


After the Ocean

by limesparklingwater



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-24
Updated: 2017-10-24
Packaged: 2018-12-06 11:43:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 38,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11599941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/limesparklingwater/pseuds/limesparklingwater
Summary: (*Spoilers: this takes place immediately after chapter 90 in the Manga.*) Eren couldn't see what was right in front of him until he reached his goal. Lemon





	1. After the Ocean

 “Alright, enough fun,” Levi called toward the ocean. Eren turned around where he stood in the waves and saw that everyone was obeying immediately. Mikasa waited for Eren to wade through the waves to the shore. Then, the two burnt their feet as they walked through the sand to where everyone else was gathering.

“Yes, if we’re going to make camp here for the night, I suppose work must start already,” Hange said. She was clearly disappointed as she gazed down at the large conch shells she held in both her hands. “Well, Levi, start setting up our tent.” He turned and walked a few paces off further from the water and did as she asked. “Hm. Sasha, Jean, Connie. You will prepare dinner. Armin, you watch Sasha and make sure she doesn’t eat everything. Also, be prepared to transform if necessary. Eren and Mikasa, go look for firewood. Jean, make sure the horses are fed too. Levi and I are going to take a nap and we’ll take first watch tonight.”

There was a general outcry of “Yes ma’am,” and then everyone turned in different directions.

“There were some trees west of here a bit. Let’s go that way,” said Mikasa as she pulled her boots back on.

“Fine,” Eren answered as he glanced around. Armin stood small, with his arms crossed over his chest in the middle of everyone else. Jean was striding off to where the horses were tied. Connie was ruffling Sasha’s hair as she opened a satchel of food. Hange slid down on the sand next to Levi, who had made quick work of their simple tent. He was lying with his arm over his eyes despite the shade.

Eren left his boots were they lay on the sand and hurried to catch up to Mikasa, who carried a small machete in one hand.  She shoved a burlap backpack at Eren once he caught up.

They were quiet while they walked over the wet sand along the shore until they were well outside of earshot of their comrades.

“I would run on this sand every day if I could. I think it would help,” Mikasa said quietly.

Eren had to strain to hear her over the waves but he thought he understood her right. “Help what?”

“To keep me fit.”

“You’re fit enough without it.”

She glanced sideways out of the corner of her eye at him. Bowing her chin slightly, she said, “Thank you.”

They were quiet again except for the crashing of the waves. Soon, they’d rounded a bend in the beach. To their right, a steep cliff of about thirty feet or so hid them from the far-off campsite.

Eren wondered aloud, “Should we try to find a way up? Or do trees grow in sand?”

“I don’t know. I think we should probably climb, but I can’t see a good way up without gear—”

“Wait, I see something up ahead. What is that?” Eren pointed. Off in the distance, there was something which looked like a fallen tree on the sand near the cliff side. He ran ahead and Mikasa ran after him. Surely enough, it was a log that had been washed up on shore and had dried out.

“Will this work?” Eren asked but Mikasa was already hacking the log apart.

Mikasa answered between hacks, “Yes, it will work quite well. It is dry and there is enough wood for hours if the fire is kept small.” Eren wanted to help her but he knew enough not to suggest that she couldn’t do it on her own. So instead, he stood and watched her hack the log apart until he could settle the pieces of wood into the bag she’d given him.

Once she was finished, Mikasa laid the machete down in the sand and sat down next to Eren, who was still stacking the wood in the burlap sack. Sweat was dripping down her temples and down the sides of her neck.

“It’s really hot,” Eren said, because he knew Mikasa wouldn’t complain.

“Mm, yes it is.”

“It’d be nice to go back in the ocean.”

Mikasa glanced at him and then looked out at the ocean as Eren stood up. Mikasa stood too and quickly wiped her forehead. “We should get back. They will need the firewood to cook the meat that Sasha hunted.”

“Yes, but we have plenty of time. Everyone’s already had a ration and it is only midday. The meat is for later.”

“Eren.” She shook her head. But Eren was already unbuttoning his shirt.

“Mikasa,” he mimicked, and turned his back to the waves as he faced her. “Are you afraid of it?”

“Afraid of what? The ocean? No.”

“Then come on. Levi is sleeping. No one else will care.” Eren unfastened his trousers and pulled them off so he was left in his underwear. He saw Mikasa’s cheeks color and wondered if it was because of the heat. “I bet they’ll all be swimming when we get back anyway.” He took her wrist and led her to where the waves reached up to their highest point on the sand before they fell back again.

“Eren…” she said again.

He loved it when she said his name like that. He always had. He could never understand why though and so he tried not to think about it.

Turning away and dropping her wrist, he pulled his underwear off and waded into the water.

“Ah, it’s so cold!” he yelled in the same voice he’d use if yelling at an enemy. Once he was waist-deep, he turned and moved his arms so that he could stay in place despite the waves. “Come on!”

“Eren, what if there is some creature in the water! Come back! You’re too far!”

“Too far? I can still stand up here!” He was disappointed that she wasn’t getting into the water yet. She really needed to cool off before she got heat stroke.

“Eren, come on.”

“No.”

“Fine. I will come and get you out then.” She pulled her boots off.

He swished his way around so he was facing out toward the rest of the ocean again. He felt his throat tighten once more at the sight. The thought again drifted through his mind: how many were on the other side…?

He heard a splashing sound over the waves. He knew without turning that Mikasa had followed him into the water. He couldn’t help but smile as he turned to face her again.

“Ha! I won—” But then he nearly swallowed his tongue. Mikasa was wading into the water but she was only waist deep when he’d turned. He caught a glimpse of her breasts before they were submerged in the water.

“I don’t know how to swim,” she called to him, though he barely registered what she was saying. The sight of her bare chest had burned in his eyes as though he’d looked directly into two bright suns. “Eren! Are you alright?!” She was struggling to push through the water toward him.

“I—uh…”

“Did something bite you? What’s wrong?!” She had nearly reached him now but as she was now slightly shorter than him, she couldn’t quite reach the bottom and still keep her chin out of the water. “Eren—” But she got a mouthful of saltwater.

“Why did you swim out this far?!” he snapped. “You’ll drown!” Under the water, he grabbed her arm and pulled her roughly a few feet closer to the shore without looking at her. His roughness was slowed by the water, but even so, they made an enormous splash as they both slipped on the sandy ocean floor. They were pulled under the waves.

Eren had learned to swim in streams as a child on outings with his father. But that had been before Mikasa had come to stay with them and he knew she couldn’t possibly know how to swim. He didn’t have to think about it: he automatically pulled Mikasa up again.

“I’m sorry—I’m sorry—I’m such an idiot—” he said once they both broke through the waves and breathed air again. Mikasa was spluttering a little but she seemed alright.

“It’s okay. I just slipped,” she said to the waves and coughed a few more times.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

She looked over at him and instead she seemed to be assessing his face for injury. For the first time, somehow, Eren didn’t get annoyed at this. Instead, he found it endearing. He wanted to hug her and almost did, but then he remembered that he was naked and she was at least partially so.

“Um… yes, thank you.” She kept gazing at him. Eren couldn’t look away either. He didn’t want to look away. Her gray eyes looked silver-blue in the sun. Her black hair was shining as though it was slightly blue too.

He was overcome with the urge to kiss her then.

What had gotten into him? He was sure Mikasa would smack him (at least) if he did this. Was it the sight of her chest that had done this to him?

He watched as Mikasa waded closer to him. Slowly, she found his hands under the surface as she inched her way through the water… and then she grazed her fingers up each of his wrists... then his elbows… his biceps…

“Are you sure you are alright? I thought I felt something change in you… in my heart…” She moved one hand up his shoulder and wove her fingers into his now overlong hair.

“Y-yes.” He let his hands be buffeted in the waves and his fingertips grazed Mikasa’s side. He saw the color rise in her cheeks when he did this and for once, he saw this color in her cheeks differently. How many times had he seen her blush? But when had she? His mind was a blank buzz of hopeful confused fear. His heart pounded as he dared to touch her again, and this time, he let his hands rest firmly on her hips.

Meanwhile, her hand grazed its way down his jaw and came to rest on his cheek. “Oh Eren…” and she closed the gap between them. And suddenly she was kissing him.

He didn’t think. He couldn’t think. There was too much. Could this be real? Was he actually in the ocean right now? Was he kissing Mikasa?!

He’d never kissed anyone before. He briefly wondered if he was doing it right but then Mikasa’s breasts were pressed against his chest and she was pressed against the rest of him. It felt _too_ good. He never imagined he’d be naked the first time he kissed a girl…

He forced himself to push her away. “Mikasa…” He shook his head. And to his dismay he watched as her face clouded with tears. “No, uh, Mikasa—I, please don’t—”

“I’m sorry. I know you don’t—oh…” she covered her mouth with one hand and turned away. “Please go back without me. I’ll follow you later.”

“I didn’t mean to hurt you Mikasa, it’s just that—”

“Please don’t, Eren!” she yelled with her back turned.

“Damn it,” he whispered. He stared at the back of her head for a moment and could think of nothing to say. Defeated, he waded back out of the water.

But what if she slipped again and couldn’t get out of the water? He couldn’t leave her there on her own. He pulled his underwear and trousers back on, soaking them with the droplets still clinging to his legs. “Mikasa! I won’t leave you there! What if you slip again?!”

She only half-heartedly waved him off.

Gritting his teeth, he pulled his shirt back on and buttoned it. “I’ll turn my back until you tell me otherwise, alright?! I’m not leaving you here!” He saw her contemplate this and then after moment, she started wading back toward the shore. He turned away as he said he would and then strode up to get the bag of wood and the machete.

A short while later, Mikasa was dressed and stood just behind him, so he turned back to face her. She pulled the machete from his hand and carried her boots along with it as she strode away. He watched her walk away as he hoisted the bag of wood to his back and tightened the shoulder straps slightly. And suddenly, he realized he was staring at her bottom. Since when was Mikasa’s bottom something he stared at? Had he always stared at her and was only just now realizing he did?

Unbidden, the fresh memory of the feel of her naked hips under his hands came to his mind. He felt as though his heart had too much blood for a moment from all the unfamiliar emotions he was feeling. He wanted to touch her again. Why had he stopped her?

And anyway, what had just happened? Had he really just kissed Mikasa?!

“Wait!” Eren said once they’d nearly rounded the curve in the beach. “I want to talk to you for a minute.”

Mikasa stopped and turned to face him. “What?”

“Do you… do you really feel like _that_ toward me?”

“But you don’t feel like _that_ toward me. I know. I’ve always known. It’s okay. Please forget what happened. I misread you.”

“But I—have you always… did you… I mean, I know you care for me. I care for you, too. I will always take care of you any way I can. You know that, right?”

“Yes,” she whispered and turned to continue walking but he stopped her with a hand on her forearm.  The machete hung between them.

“I had no idea that you... I mean, I know you don’t see yourself as my sister… I guess I didn’t know what I thought.”

Mikasa bowed her head. “But you know now.”

Did he know now?

“Yes.” He swallowed and said, “Mikasa, I’m sorry I stopped you. I… I want to feel your hips again! I want to kiss you again!”

Mikasa looked up sharply but said nothing.

He dropped his bag of firewood to the sand and lunged at her. She tossed the machete a few feet to the side just as Eren kissed her, hard.

“Mm!” Mikasa said against his lips in surprise. And then she was laughing into his kisses and he was laughing too.

She unbuttoned his shirt and pushed his sleeves down his arms. As he gently broke their kiss, he let his shirt fall to the sand.

“Don’t do anything you wouldn’t… want… That’s why I stopped you before.”

She glanced up into his eyes and nodded meekly. Then, she led his hands down her sides and pressed his hands to her hips. In a sort of question, she looked into his eyes again.

“Mm.” Eren nodded. Then he watched as Mikasa slowly unbuttoned her shirt and dropped it to the sand behind her. She did the same with her bra.

“You don’t have to leave your hands there.” She glanced up once more before they both looked down at his hands on her hips. Softly, she slowly led his palms over her abs and to her breasts.

Eren whispered, “O-okay.” Gently, he ran his fingers over her nipples until they were hard peaks. Seeing her body change like this, he checked her face for her reaction. He was surprised. Her eyes were closed and her head was tilted to the side a little. “Does that feel good?”

“Yes,” she whispered back as softly as she could. He couldn’t hear her over the waves but he knew what she’d said. He wanted to kiss her again because she was beautiful. So he did.

She responded immediately and soon, he felt her hands on the top of his trousers. She was undoing them.

“But what if—” he started.

“It’s okay…”

“Are you sure?”

“Hange insisted on giving me the shot.”

Eren knew what that meant. ‘The shot’ kept girls from getting pregnant for months at a time. It was usually only issued for married women in service… He nodded.

Mikasa watched her hands as she pulled Eren’s trousers down and he kicked them behind himself onto his shirt.

Though he was nervous, Eren managed to keep his hands steady as he unbuttoned Mikasa’s trousers in turn. He knelt and pulled them gently down her legs and off her feet. Glancing up at her face for reassurance, he kissed her kneecap. He didn’t know why he did it, other than for the simple reason that he wanted to. The feel of her skin under his lips made him purely happy.

She half-smiled at him and laughed a little.

He was struck with the desire to kiss her everywhere. He kissed the inside part of her lower thigh, then higher and higher up again. He trailed kisses along her panty line up her hip and along the crest where there was a shallow crevice under the muscle there. When he trailed his lips across here, he reveled in the taste of her salty skin and the feel of her hands threaded into his hair.

“Eren…” Gingerly, she held him against herself so his face lay against her panties. They were white and damp and dusted with sand.

“Mikasa.” He hugged her around her thighs and breathed in her scent. He was the opposite of mocking when he said her name now, and he was almost desperate with his need for her. Hooking his thumbs into her panties, he pulled them down while his cheek still rested against her.

His heart felt like this couldn’t possibly be the first time they would make love. Rather, he felt as though he’d done this every day in some way with her… and yet, the rest of his body was silently screaming in the newness of the feel of her skin under his lips… her thighs… her hands in his hair… the taste of her _down there_ in his mouth…

She knelt shakily before him. As he kissed her neck, he lay her down on the sand. With half lidded eyes, she pulled him so he was on top of her. Holding himself up with one of his forearms on the sand, he gazed down and tried to smile at her.

“Oh, Eren.” Tears sprang to her eyes. Where the tears fell, he kissed the corners of her eyes. He knew she was alright, really.

These were the same sort tears she’d shed _that_ day. It had been the day which seemed like they would surely, finally die. But somehow, her love for him had triggered the coordinate power inside him. As he kissed Mikasa now, he finally understood. It was _Mikasa_ who had awakened the power and gave him strength. No one else. Because of her, he saved her life. And he had finally defeated the titan—a royal titan at that—who had killed his mother…

 Mikasa ran her fingers through his hair and then down his back.

“It’s okay,” he said into her ear, “we don’t have to. I know now… I know…”

“Don’t pull away from me again,” she demanded and grazed his nose with hers before kissing him again. “Please.”

Slowly she ran her hand to Eren’s front, lower and lower, until she found him. Slowly, she ran her hand down his length and up again. In response, Eren lay his forehead against hers and let the air rush from his lungs. Then, she guided him into herself.

“Mikasa…” he whispered against her lips.

“Oh…”

“Am I hurting you?”

“No, not really…”

“Yes I am—”

She grabbed his shoulders and held him still. “Don’t pull away.”

Eren pushed the hair away which always lay across her face and kissed her cheek. Then, she pushed his hip away with her hand and he slowly pulled out.

She guided him back into her again… and a little quicker the next time…

Eren pushed his hand through the sand under her neck. Cradling her head, he kissed her as he pushed into her again. He hardly realized the fact that tears now fell from his eyes too.

How he could love someone this much and have only just now figured this out…?

But he knew: the ocean had changed everything. He’d needed to see the ocean before he could see anything else.

Mikasa’s hips urged him faster and faster.

“Mikasa!” he grunted loudly with his forehead against hers. But she wouldn’t let him slow down and soon, she pushed him over the edge.

Eren lay his head between Mikasa’s breasts as she cradled him against herself. He listened to her heart slow to normal while the waves crashing at their feet seemed to quiet themselves for a while.

 

Later, they dusted as much sand as possible from themselves and dressed each other. Once Eren hoisted the wood to his back again, Mikasa took Eren’s hand in one of hers and carried her boots in the other. Eren found the machete where it had landed a few feet away and slowly, they made their way back to camp.

 

Sasha was clearly angry that they’d taken as long as they had. “We could have been roasting the meat for an extra hour! It is better if it is on a low heat for a longer time! It makes the fat melt! Where did you go for the firewood?! All the way back to Trost?!”

“Shh, you’ll wake Hange and Levi,” Connie said.

Jean’s face fell when he saw that Eren was holding Mikasa’s hand. Eren wondered if it was because he felt like Sasha did about taking too long or if he was simply jealous...

“Hurry up and build the fire!” Sasha wiped drool from her chin. “I want to roast the meat!”

As he grinned at Eren and Mikasa’s entwined hands and sand-covered clothes, Armin looked like he was a cross between an angel and a demon. Pacing toward his two best friends, he helped Eren with the firewood. And as they three built the fire, every once in a while, especially when Eren and Mikasa would smile at each other, Armin laughed softly to himself.

In the tent, Hange and Levi were nose to nose and fast asleep. 


	2. That Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> another lemon :)

She wore her red scarf despite the warm day and so her cheeks were pink. She was hanging up a washed sheet on the drying line, just as he knew she would be. As she bent to the clothes basket, she hugged her bulging belly as though to protect the growing baby inside. Then, stretching up, she began to slide a clothespin onto the sheet.

“Mikasa,” Eren said.

“Mm, I know you’re there,” she answered, though she was hidden behind the sheet. Laughing, Eren stepped around the clothesline post and paced toward her.

“I missed you,” he said and reaching forward, he ran his hand over her hair just as he did every day. Gently, he dropped his hand to her rounded belly and caressed there too, but she swatted his hand away.

“Don’t touch my belly. It makes my muscles tense,” she said irritably. “It’s uncomfortable.”

“I know,” Eren said. “Sorry. Let’s go to bed and I’ll massage your feet like I did the other day.”

Her face brightened at this idea for a moment. She continued her laundry work as she said, “But, I haven’t started making dinner…”

“I’ll make dinner tonight. Or maybe we could go to the pub. I know you’ve been craving—” But she cut him off by kissing him. He felt her tongue lick into his mouth and tickle its way along his top lip.  

“Mmm, Eren you taste like honey.”

“I just had tea with Levi—” Her tongue licked into his mouth again but this time he fought back with his own tongue. She moaned into his mouth.

Then, wrapping her arms around him, she pulled him toward herself so her back was pressed against the wall along the edge of the roof. He worried that she was pulling him too hard against her belly and tried to pull away a little.

“Please, Eren? I’ve been thinking about you all day.”

“Really? Right here on the roof? Armin will see us from next door.”

“No he won’t. Eren, please…”

Mikasa’s scarf started fluttering as the wind picked up a bit then. And then, somehow, it was unravelling itself from her neck.

“My scarf!” she yelled, reaching over the edge of the roof as it flew away in the wind. Eren caught her hand and kept her from falling but the scarf was gone.

 

* * *

 

Eren woke with a start. The dream had been so real, for a moment he thought he’d only been remembering earlier that day. But no. Today had been better than even what he’d dreamt… He vividly recalled laying with her on the beach this afternoon, the taste of her skin on his lips…

He was staring at the tent’s roof a few feet above him. The sand was warm under him despite the fact that it was the middle of the night. The air smelled briny and the waves were loud despite the fact they were dozens of yards away. Inside the tent, he was wedged between Armin on his left, and Mikasa on his right. Both of his best friends were fast asleep.

Everything had changed today. What did Mikasa think about what they’d done together? Did she imagine that they’d get married now? Isn’t that what followed?

He was suddenly aware of how hard his heart was beating.

He wasn’t ready to be a father and have a wife and a house. He wasn’t done doing what he set out to do. He needed to cross the ocean… and then once he did that, there was still so much more to do…

Of course, Mikasa would probably want to come with him for it all.

“Mikasa,” Eren whispered, rolling on his side to face her. He gently shook her shoulder until her eyes batted open and closed again. 

“What’s wrong?” Her hand caressed his cheek and then heavily fell to his chest.

“I… sorry… go back to sleep.”

“No, what is it? Tell me,” she said groggily. Her eyes were still shut.

It was quiet while Eren listened to Armin’s deep, even breathing behind him for a moment. Good. He was asleep still.

“Are you going to try to cross the ocean with me?”

“Yes,” she said without hesitating. Her eyes battled sleep as she yawned. Then, she slid both her hands to Eren’s face as she turned to face him and she pulled him into an open mouth kiss. He didn’t even try to resist.

Their kiss was lazy and slow. He thought she might be dreaming as she kissed him and he wondered if he hadn’t kissed her in his sleep while he’d dreamt of kissing her too. Thankfully he hadn’t kissed Armin… at least, he probably hadn’t kissed Armin?

“We should get married,” Eren said as she pulled him on top of herself.

“Because I want to cross the ocean with you?” Her eyes were open just a tiny bit now. She reached down between their bodies and stroked Eren through his trousers. He wasn’t wearing a shirt.

“Mikasa…” He rested his forehead against her temple.

“Eren.” She unfastened his trousers and pulled them down enough to free him.

With a quick glance at Armin’s closed eyes, Eren unfastened Mikasa’s trousers and pulled them down and glimpsed her firm, very-non-dreamlike belly.

She kissed Eren’s cheek as he glanced over at Armin once more. Looking back at Eren again, she whispered, “I’m ready. I want you now.”

Eren lightly covered her mouth with his palm, his eyes wide. Slowly, he nudged her legs apart with his knees and pushed into her.

She moaned a little too loud against his hand and they both stilled as Armin rolled over so his back was to them. Then they listened to his quiet, even breathing for a moment before Mikasa trailed wet kisses down Eren’s neck as he thrust into her slowly again and took his hand away from her mouth.

“I dreamt that you were my wife,” he whispered into her ear that was further from Armin.

“Is that what you want?” Mikasa whispered back into Eren’s ear as he thrust into her again.

Eren pushed his hand up under Mikasa’s shirt and grabbed her breast. “I want you with me.” He thrust faster this time. “I want you with me every night and every day. Always.”

“Eren… yes...”

He nipped her skin where her pulse thudded in her neck and noticed then that she wasn’t wearing his scarf. He remembered how, in his dream, it had slipped away in the wind and she’d almost fallen as she tried to catch it. But he’d caught her.

As she arched against him, he slid his arm under her waist and held her so she couldn’t get away. “Mikasa,” he whispered onto her lips. He wanted to tell her that he loved her but she kissed him again.

“Mm…” They were nose to nose. He was vividly aware of her breasts, hidden by her shirt, as they pressed against his chest. He wished she was naked like she had been this afternoon.

She squinted up into his eyes and he couldn’t help but stare back. He felt as though his eyes couldn’t widen far enough. It was too dark. He wanted to see more of her.

She turned her face away from Armin to the makeshift wall of the tent as she let out a stifled moan. Eren kissed her neck. He wanted to hear her make that sound again but at the same time he was terrified she’d make that sound again. If Armin woke up they’d have to stop…

As he arched back to see her face better, he accidentally drove harder into her than he’d meant.

“Sorry—”

She shook her head and sat up a bit to whisper in his ear, “You didn’t hurt me. I liked it.” And she kissed him deeply as he did it hard again. And again. Another moan escaped her lips as she turned her face away once more. He couldn’t help it when he moaned quietly too.

He never saw a woman so beautiful as she was when she scrunched her eyes closed and bit her lip.

“Don’t ever leave me,” he grunted softly as he watched her. He couldn’t control himself any more. He pushed hard into her, faster and faster.

“I could… never…” she said and then she bit her lip again. She clenched her knees into his sides as he kept driving into her. And then he felt something amazing: she tightened around him _inside_ and then it was the strangest feeling... He knew he’d done something good without really knowing what was happening.

He grunted as quietly as he could when he came after the strange feeling stopped.

“You are… amazing… Eren,” Mikasa whispered shakily.

He collapsed half onto her and half beside her with his back to Armin’s back. Softly he kissed her lips and smiled into her smile. “I never could have dreamed of having you like this. Even yesterday, I never…” he said, still smiling at her.

“I think I dreamt of you every night for the last three years. I always dream of you,” she whispered.

Eren tried to hide his surprise at hearing this. How long had she felt this way toward him? Was it possible she always had? Had she even, at least somewhat, when they were both still kids? “I’m sorry I didn’t love you better back then.”

She shook her head and kissed his cheek. “You loved me. You just didn’t realize it maybe.”

Eren nodded and tried to smile. He kissed her gently and reveled in how soft her lips were underneath his.

As she started to fall asleep again, Eren helped her pull her trousers back up and fastened them for her and then closed his own trousers. Once they were dressed again, he pulled her toward himself, and so she used his chest as a pillow.

“When will we cross the ocean?” she asked sleepily. 

“We have to rebuild more before we think of leaving,” Eren said, absently running his hand over her hair.

Quietly, with his back turned to them still, Armin said, “We need to learn more about what is across the ocean first. I think the only way to do that is to first figure out a way to wake Annie up. She will tell us what is across the ocean. It’s the only way.”

Eren felt Mikasa tense but he just kept running his hand over her hair as he said, “As expected, Armin, you’re exactly right.”

 

 

 

 


	3. Home Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First night of furlough for the Survey Corps. Eren and Mikasa head back home to the Shiganshina District... lemon again of course ;)

Sasha peeked into Armin, Eren and Mikasa’s tent. “Oh, it smells… interesting in here,” she said loudly.

“We’re up,” Eren said, leaning up onto his elbows.

“Oh, good. Connie and Jean are already heading back to sleep. Sunrise is in about two hours I think.”

“Alright,” Mikasa said, adjusting her shirt.

“Something was going on in here, wasn’t there?” Sasha said, wide-eyed and smiling.

“No,” Armin said shortly. He scooted out of the tent and he and Sasha disappeared from Eren’s view as they walked away.

After Eren and Mikasa packed up their tent, they joined Armin by the smoldering campfire. The three sat back to back to back in a small, tight circle. It was quiet for a while. A few times, Mikasa said quietly, “Still awake?” and the boys answered with a simple, “Yeah.” And, “See any?” And, “No.”

As the sun broke over the eastern skin of the wide, glittering ocean, Armin spoke again. “Hannes and the Garrison’s major job was to repair the walls... And yet, the wall is probably held up with hardened crystal, at least in part…”

Eren had all but forgotten this…

“Yes. That’s true,” Mikasa said.

“If I learned how the crystal would need repaired… now that I have the Colossal, It’s possible—”

“Do you think that will be the way to get Annie out of her crystal somehow?” Eren asked.

“It’s possible,” Armin said in a defeated tone. Eren felt Armin’s shoulder shrug behind his back.

“It’s a good idea, Armin,” Mikasa said softly.

As Eren watched the sun rise, he thought of the light in Mikasa’s eyes as they made love yesterday on the beach. Somehow, this led to thoughts of the light in Armin’s eyes years ago… they’d been children when they first talked about seeing this ocean. There were so many other things they had wanted to see...

But his years were numbered, as were Armin’s. Eren felt his heart beat hard inside its cage in his chest. How could he feel this healthy, this _happy_ for the first time in so long, and know he would die in a few short years? Reaching back, he took Mikasa’s hand in one hand and he took Armin’s hand in his other. Tears burned in eyes as the sunrise over the ocean became a glassy haze. Mikasa and Armin both held his hands tightly back without a word.

 

Later, the travelled back home and were ordered to disperse to their homes for a short furlough. They would reconvene in a week for another trip outside the walls. Armin, however, decided to continue on to where Annie was kept underground and tied up. Hange decided she would join him.

“Yesss, Armin! I want to come on your visit to Crystal-Annie! It’ll be a blast! She must be lonely!” Hange had said, high-fiving Armin.

“Armin, do you—” Eren started but Levi cut him off.

“Go home and rest,” Levi ordered him. “If the scientists want your help, I’ll come and get you.”

Mikasa and Eren had spent all of their time off over the last half a year rebuilding Grisha and Carla’s house. Meanwhile, Armin had rebuilt the house next door to them as no one had come back for it. He had given his grandfather’s land to the family who had been his neighbor because they had come back to Shiganshina with more children than they’d left with.

When they came in through the door of their shared home, Eren felt awkward. How had he not realized it before? He’d been so afraid of having a wife and a house and a baby… But, he already _had_ a house… and really, Mikasa was more dedicated than most wives were to their husbands. Really, Mikasa already _was_ a wife to him in a lot of ways… He hated the word. She was more than a wife…

Mikasa immediately set to work on preparing the food they’d picked up at the market on their way home. She hadn’t even had the chance to wash all the sand off of herself. Eren came to her side. “What do you want me to do?”

“What?” she asked without glancing up from her work.

“What else needs done?” He felt bad that she was so surprised he would help. He resolved to be better to her from now on.

“Um,” she said, glancing up to his face. “Take the tent and things to the roof and shake the sand out of them.” 

“Alright.”

Using the laundry line, he smacked the sand out of the tent and their bags. Then, he swept the sand up and dumped it into the patch of garden on the side of the house. Finally, he rolled up the tent and things and came back down.

She was almost done cooking. She’d already cleaned the fish and she had it in the pan with the veggies she’d chopped. She also had rice cooking. It smelled like home…

“Mikasa,” he said.

“Five more minutes.”

“Okay… I’ll set the table.”

“Thank you.”

As Eren set the table, he realized: this was the best life would ever be for him. Even if he wanted to—that dream he had, the dream of Mikasa pregnant and his wife—it could never be. He was going to die before that could ever happen. The last thing he wanted to do was leave Mikasa with a child she had to raise on her own.

He wondered if he should have never slept with her to begin with. Wouldn’t it have been better for her? It would be absolutely selfish of him to continue anything with her now that he realized this.

Maybe… he would move in with Armin… yes, that would be best...

Mikasa brought the food to the table and filled their glasses with water from a jug. Eren sat down as she started serving the food.

They ate in silence. Eren kept thinking about how they shouldn’t be living together, and yet, he couldn’t get himself to say what he thought he should say… It would hurt her. But she would understand, wouldn’t she?

They finished eating quickly because of the silence. Mikasa stacked the dirty plates together and took them to the sink.

“What’s wrong, Eren?” she asked quietly as she washed the dishes. “You look worried about something.”

He stood up from his chair. “I don’t think we should be together,” he blurted out.

Mikasa continued looking down at the plate she was cleaning as he came to her side. She handed the newly-clean plate and he started drying it with a clean rag nearby. She said quietly, “I thought you enjoyed it? Being with me?”

“Of course I did!”

“Do I make you happy?” She handed him the second clean plate as Eren put the first one away.

“Very much. I’m happier than…” He looked down at the wet plate in his hands as he inexplicably felt tears come to his eyes. “I’m happy for the first time since my mother died!”

“Then I see no issue,” she said. She was cleaning the rice pot now.

“I’m going to die soon,” he said quietly.

“I could die just as soon,” she said.

He hadn’t even considered this possibility. It seemed impossible that she would ever fall prey to a Titan. He didn’t know what to say to this idea.

She turned to him with soapy, wet hands and pulled him into her arms. “I cannot bear the thought, Eren. Please, stay with me.”

“I don’t deserve you.”

“Yes you do. Please, let us have this little bit of happiness.” She looked up into his eyes and he saw her tears.

“I’m sorry,” he said, and he felt tears fall down his face as he raised his eyebrows. Laying the plate he was holding down on the edge of the sink, he wrapped his arms around her in return. “I didn’t mean to upset you… I just don’t want to be selfish with you. Not anymore. I’ve been selfish enough in the past. I want to do what’s best for you, like you do for me—”  

“I don’t want to talk about any of that. Never again. I don’t want to talk about past wrongs, or about the future. Just please…” She lay her wet hand on his cheek and pulled him into a gentle, short kiss. “Eren.” She kissed him again, this time a bit longer.

“Okay,” he conceded. He watched as her eyes brightened in surprised relief. “Whatever you want, Mikasa.”

She kissed him, leaning into him as she did. The pot in the sink was long-forgotten.

As he kissed her, he tucked one hand under her bottom and lifted her easily into his arms. She automatically wrapped her legs around him. He thought of carrying her to his bed… but the table was closer… Kicking a chair aside, he walked over and sat her down. An errant fear flittered through his mind that his mother would yell at them for knocking over a chair and for sitting on the table. He almost laughed.

Instead, he smiled as he tore Mikasa’s shirt open, causing a button to fly off and skitter to the floor. She didn’t seem to care—she was already undoing his belt. He pulled his own shirt off and threw it to the floor.

“Oh, Eren,” she said softly and she pulled him into a kiss again.

“Say my name again,” he said against her lips.

She half-smiled as she looked down to her hands. She was pulling his trousers down from his hips. “Eren.” He stepped out of his trousers… “Eren…” she said softly again as she leaned back on her elbows against the table as he pulled her pants down too. She smiled up at him. “Eren.”

He laughed as he laced his hand into her hair. “Mikasa…” Kissing her again, he pushed her back so she lay flat on the table. Slowly, he moved to kissing her neck and down to her collarbone and down again… Gently, he bit her nipple through her bra and he reveled in the sound of her resulting moan. He thought of last night, how he desperately had wanted to be able to see her. Now, with the evening light streaming in through the kitchen window, he could see her perfectly.

“Oh, fuck, Mikasa,” he whispered. “You are so damn beautiful!”

“Eren, please,” she said again and she wrapped her legs tightly around him as she threaded her hands into his hair. He sucked on one of her nipples through her bra and wondered if it felt as good to her as it did to him.

Cupping his face in her hands, she pulled him to her lips and he kissed her sloppily. “Mikasa,” he said against her lips and pushed into her. He couldn’t wait any longer.

She lay her head back on the table and shut her eyes. “Ohh.”

He didn’t go slowly, not like before. Instead, he went out and hard into her again. And again. All the while, he quieted her with his mouth on hers. She was forced to moan into his mouth.

As he went faster, she didn’t hold onto him as tightly and so he was forced to hold tighter onto her. He held one of her thighs against his chest and stood up straighter, pushing down on her hip with his other hand. He loved the way her breasts swayed with each thrust and wanted to grab one but he was too busy holding her down…

Meanwhile, she held weakly to the edge of the table above her head with one hand. Her other hand lay slack by her ear.

She sobbed, “Er—en…” Her slack hand clenched into a fist as she arched her back. And he felt that strange feeling that he’d felt before. He realized, she must be having an orgasm… He honestly didn’t know much about it. Everything he knew came from what he’d overhead from the other guys talking in the barracks during training…

Watching her come undone threw him over the edge, and he came hard into her. He lay his head on her breasts and kissed the skin nearest to his lips. Together, they slowed their breathing.

After a few minutes of stillness, Eren scooped Mikasa’s loose form up into his arms as though she were a ragdoll. Without pulling out of her, he sat down on the floor with her in his lap. She lay her head against his chest as they held each other.

 


	4. Under Headquarters and in the Bathtub

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Armin goes to headquarters with Hange and Levi. Eren and Mikasa enjoy being home.

That night, Armin lay awake on his back in his bed at the Survey Corps headquarters and thought about Titan powers.

Eren had been able to accidentally cause his arm to shift on its own when he was reaching for a fork… Just his arm. And, he’d stopped the Smiling Titan with his actual human fist. Again, he had not been transformed into a Titan, but he’d been using titan power…

So, was it possible to use only a part of the Colossal Titan instead of the whole thing at once?

Say, for example, could Armin cause his hands to become incredibly hot while _not_ in the Colossal Titan form?

He raised his hands up in front of his face in his dark bedroom. Nothing happened for two full minutes, which was what he expected. Eren had had trouble transforming when he was supposed to fight Annie—he’d needed a purpose… a will to fight.

Armin pushed his blankets back and stood from his bed. Closing his eyes, he held his hands up in front of himself again. He imagined that there was a block of ice between his hands. This ice—if it didn’t melt, Eren would die. And Mikasa. Everyone would die if he didn’t melt this ice right now.

When he opened his eyes, he wasn’t in the dark anymore. Rather, his hands glowed and smoked with heat. And amazingly enough, the heat didn’t hurt his hands…

He glanced around the room, eyes wide. Of course, no one had witnessed this new finding other than him. Absentmindedly, he sat back down on the bed, deep in thought. And then, when his hands rested on his knees, he immediately scorched holes through his pajamas.

* * *

 

After having a quiet cup of tea in the morning, Armin, Hange and Levi travelled deep underground of headquarters to where Annie was being held in a dark, cavernous crypt.

The three soldiers now stood side by side as they gazed at Annie, enclosed in her crystal. Armin thought the dozens of cords stretching over the shiny casing looked ridiculous. Clearly those cords wouldn’t restrain her if she woke up and turned…

“I want to try something,” Armin said.

“What?” Hange asked immediately.

As an answer, Armin closed his eyes as he had the night before and imagined the ice he needed to melt or everyone would die. He smelled the smoke and felt the heat radiating from his hands. Opening his eyes, he stepped toward Annie. Immediately, the cords around her crystalline form caught fire and burned away.

“Armin!” Hange exclaimed from behind him.

The crystal, however, remained intact. He pressed his hands harder against it but it didn’t even seem to heat up. He was disappointed, but not surprised. “It was worth a try,” he said, stepping back from her.

“Huh! We’ll have to keep that ability in our back pockets,” Hange said, patting his shoulder. “That was a good try.”

“You can warm my tea for me some time,” Levi said quietly.

“I can’t transform in here,” Armin said, thinking aloud. “I would like to transform and I will try to get her out with heat again. It’s possible that the heat in my hands isn’t enough.”

“Hmm, yes, we’ll do that…” Hange said, still staring at Annie’s form. She glanced at Levi, who looked back at her for a moment before he spoke.

“I am wondering if this crystal is a one-way street,” Levi said.

“I am wondering the same thing,” Armin said reluctantly. “It is possible it can’t be broken or melted or changed once it’s there. Which, if that is the case, she may be in there forever. But if that’s the case, then how was there damage to the wall when she climbed it if we are to believe that this stuff is inside the whole thing? And how did that cave collapse when Historia’s dad kidnapped Eren—”

“Ah, yes. The wall. We could open part of the wall again to see what it really looks like in there,” Hange said seriously. “It was hard to get a good look when before we covered the hole with all those blankets… I wonder, if the titans within the wall are encased in this sort of stuff, then what does it look like when it ages?”

“I advise against giving a command to intentionally destroy part of the wall,” Levi said flatly.

“Or we could go back to the cave and see what it looks like now that it’s collapsed,” Hange said, ignoring Levi. “By the way! I never did thank you for dragging me out of there, Armin!” She patted his shoulder. “Thank you!”

Armin felt his cheeks warm. “You’re welcome,” he said quietly.

“You could eat her,” Levi said. “Crystal and all.”

Hange crossed her arms over her chest. “Oh, it could make your transformations a lot more interesting! What would the Female Colossal look like?!”

Armin side-glanced at Hange. “I still haven’t had much luck recalling any of Bertholdt’s memories. I don’t think eating Annie in my Titan form would help me remember hers any better. Also, the question remains—is she still protected within the crystal if she’s consumed?”

Levi walked over to a stony sort of ledge surrounding a stony pillar. As he sat down, he crossed his arms.

 “It may still be the best option,” Hange said as she walked over to Levi and sat down next to him, crossing her legs. “But we should exhaust all other possibilities first before admitting defeat and having you consume her. You’re right, Armin. She would make a great source of information for what to expect across the ocean. And, opening the crystal is something we should explore in any case.”

Armin was thinking only of how he didn’t want to kill Annie, even though she was a murderer… In the end of it all, she’d really only wanted _out_. She’d been caught up in something she didn’t want and she had been desperate. “Why?” Armin asked quietly, shaking his head as he stared at her. If only there had been some way to force her to change her mind before she’d done what she’d done…

But mind control wasn’t something they did in Paradis anymore. That was the old way of doing things.

It was quiet for a few minutes while Armin was deep in thought until Hange said, “Was it a mistake not to have Eren come with us? He has the ability to crystalize. Maybe the two of you could practice together—”

“Yes… but he seemed so—” Armin was going to say sad. Eren had clutched Armin’s hand so hard as they watched the sunrise over the ocean, it seemed as though he was trying to break his hand. “Tired.”

“Yes, I want to let him rest at least for a couple of days. His transformations are better when he’s rested,” Hange agreed. “I admit I ran him through the ringer with practicing the Coordinate before we went to the ocean…”

“Yeah, speaking of that,” Armin continued, “I have a feeling that the only way to get Annie out of this casing safely is for it to be her decision. If Eren uses the Coordinate power to try to control her mind, it’s possible he could change her mind into wanting to come out again.”

“Arrrmiiinnn!” Hange said, throwing her head back and her hands into the air as she stood. “Of course! Eren needs to practice his Coordinate Power some more anyway! He’ll have to figure out how to command her! He will change her mind and make her come out of there!” She came forward and gave Armin a side-hug. Then she turned to Levi. “Alright, Levi—tell the new recruits to come and wheel Annie out to the combat practice fields. We’ll still have Armin transform a few times and try the initial ideas.”

“Yes, Ma’am,” Levi said, standing.

“And tomorrow,” Hange said, shrugging her shoulders, “if we’re sure there aren’t any other options, I want you to go get Eren and bring him back here.”

“Yes, Ma’am,” Levi said again.

“Two days of rest is better than nothing,” Armin said, gazing at Annie again.

* * *

 

Eren let Mikasa continue sleeping as he tiptoed from their shared bedroom. Quietly, he closed the door behind himself. As Eren sat at the kitchen table on his second morning of furlough, he drank a cup of tea and stared at the dust motes floating in the kitchen window’s sunbeams.

Two night ago, the first night back from the ocean, Eren and Mikasa shared Eren’s bed in his bedroom. Mikasa was actually the one who decided it was too tight of a fit for two people. And so last night, he and Mikasa had taken their own mattresses out of their smaller bedrooms and pushed them together into the largest bedroom. It was far more comfortable to make love in the wider space, but still—he and Mikasa had slept together in his parents’ room last night.

Except, they hadn’t: his parents had never technically slept in _this_ master bedroom—the house had had to be replaced nearly in its entirety. Instead of a corner post of the house, a large boulder held up a corner of the house now instead. Eren had built that master room, and all the other rooms, with his own two hands (and with a significant amount of help from Mikasa and others in the Survey Corps). It was his and Mikasa’s. It only _looked_ like his parents’ old bedroom…

He realized that the strangest part about it was that the room existed at all. His parents were never coming home. Why had he built the bedroom to begin with? …It didn’t matter now.

What would Carla have said about his and Mikasa’s change in their relationship? Would she have been appalled?

No, Eren thought, she would have been happy. Mikasa had been the perfect child for that year she lived here, but Carla had never called Mikasa her “daughter.” Maybe Carla had even been pushing Eren _toward_ Mikasa from his childhood? 

Eren finished the last of his tea and took the cup to the sink as his thoughts turned to his father. He hadn’t really allowed himself to think about Grisha much since learning about his father’s death and how he—Eren—had been the cause.

Grisha Yeager…

Grisha _knew_. He had to have known what the last name “Ackerman” meant and what Mikasa’s potential was. He had the Attack Titan. He stole the Coordinate. Grisha _had_ to have known what a powerful ally Mikasa could prove to be. His fostering of her seemed like such a strange coincidence that it was almost unbelievable.

Eren pumped the lever on the hand pump a few times and held his cup out, ready to rinse it.

But, Eren realized, the alternative to a coincidence was to believe that Grisha was somehow involved in the deaths of Mikasa’s parents. It was appalling to think about, but at the same time, Grisha had killed _all_ of Historia’s half siblings in a single night… No. It was just a coincidence. An incredible, strange, lucky coincidence.

 In any case, Eren’s father had never been who he’d seemed. That much, at least, was certain.

He pushed all thoughts of parents away. As Mikasa had asked, he wouldn’t talk about past wrongs with her. She was right. There was no point.

Eren rubbed the cup with a bit of soap and then pumped water again, rinsing the cup once more. When the water from stopped flowing from the fountain after a few seconds, Eren expected quiet again. But instead, he heard water pumping in the bathroom. What was Mikasa up to? He hadn’t heard the bedroom door open, nor the bathroom door.

Eren laid his clean cup back where he’d gotten it from on the shelf by the sink. Then, he tiptoed to the bathroom door across the large, open room. “Mikasa?” Eren asked into the door. He knocked softly a few times.

“You can come in,” she said from within.

He cracked the door open. And then when he saw her, he swung it open the rest of the way. Mikasa was in the bathtub, which was overlarge and copper.

“Finally washing all the sand off?” he asked. Her breasts floated slightly in the water and so her nipples poked out of the surface. Eren was hard from the sight of her.

“Come in with me,” she said. “You probably need to wash the sand off too.”

Eren pulled his pants off and hung them on a hook by the door. He hadn’t been wearing anything else. He watched as Mikasa’s gaze dropped to his hips and fought the urge to cover himself.

Wordlessly, she scooted forward and so Eren stepped in behind her. As usual, the water was uncomfortably cold. Eren was warm from his tea though, so the bath felt refreshing.

He leaned back on the curved edge of the copper tub and the water swished calmly in response. Mikasa leaned back on him, her wet hair dripping slightly onto his chest. His erection had gotten even harder because of the cold water, and then, as he pushed his legs around Mikasa and wrapped his arms around her, he saw Mikasa’s breasts again. His erection was literally throbbing against her bottom and back.

Eren took a cup from the edge of the tub. After scooping some of the bathwater into it, he slowly poured it over Mikasa’s hair to make sure it was thoroughly wet. He was careful to keep it from going into her eyes.

Nudging her up a little, he took the soap Mikasa had bought at the market a while ago. It was meant for girls’ hair—Carla had always bought at the market when they were kids. It was made mostly of herbs and oil. He scrubbed it into Mikasa’s hair.

“Close your eyes,” he said softly. She tilted her head back again and he rinsed her hair out. The bathwater surface was dotted with little globs of lavender-scented oil and other sweet-smelling herbs. And taking the bar of soap from the dish on the edge of the tub, he lathered his hands. Gently, he rubbed the soap over Mikasa’s arms, her neck, down to her breasts, her abs, down her hips…

“Mm, thank you,” she said, leaning her head back against his chest as he rubbed soap over her.

“Anytime,” he said, kissing her temple. Eren rinsed her soap off just as slowly as he’d rinsed her hair.

“Okay, your turn.” She swished around in the tub and washed Eren’s hair too, but not with the fragrant stuff. Instead, she just used the bar of soap, which was what he normally did. She sort of hugged him in order to wash his back.

“I didn’t do your back,” he realized. She smiled and pecked a kiss on his lips before she swished around again. As he washed her back, his parents popped into his head again. His thoughts softened his erection a bit, which wasn’t unwelcome. It had started to hurt.

He thought, if Berholdt and Reiner and Annie had never attacked here, and instead some other town, he and Mikasa could still have been living in this house with both of Eren’s parents. And instead, they would have been expected to act as brother and sister. After all, they were only sixteen. Yes they could have still joined the Survey Corps… but when they were home… How frustrating that would have been…

It was hard for Eren to remember how young he and Mikasa were sometimes, after everything that had happened. Eren half-frowned at this thought and then quickly forgot about it because of what Mikasa was doing.

As he rinsed her back, she sat up onto her knees and pushed Eren’s legs underneath herself so her legs were on the outside. Eren let his hands slide down to her waist as she pushed down onto his lap, pushing him into herself. After the cold of the water, she felt hot inside. Eren closed his eyes and hissed air through his teeth, trying not to come yet.

Mikasa arched her back. As she grabbed hard to the edges of the tub, her back muscles tensed. For a moment, she looked as though she were made of chiseled marble. Her back and bottom were plainly perfect. In the morning sun coming in through the tiny bathroom window, her wet hair shined with a tint of blue. Eren reached up and ran his hand over her hair.

But he couldn’t see her face… “Mikasa,” he started. He wanted to ask her to turn around… but the feel of her was so good, he didn’t want to mess it up… In this position, he doubted it was physically possible to drive himself any farther into her than he already had.

“Oh Eren…”

As he wrapped his arms tightly around her, he sat up straighter and so she leaned forward slightly. She drove down on him again and a wave of water splashed out of the tub.

“Mikasa, I want to see your face,” Eren whispered against her back, almost reluctantly.

Without a moment of hesitation, she stood far enough to turn around and then she pushed down onto him again. He pulled her flush against himself.

“Better?” she asked as she thrust down on him hard enough that water splashed out of the tub again.

“Mm,” he said as he kissed her hard. Though, he couldn’t thrust back into her very easily… She had all the control. “No—it’s too—” And he picked her up in his arms, sliding ominously for a second in the tub’s water but then getting his footing, he pressed her against the bathroom wall. “Hang onto me,” he demanded.

She gripped harder as she wrapped her legs tight around his waist. It was deep again like this, almost as deep as it had been when she had her back turned to him.

He wondered if he shouldn’t have let her keep control but it was too late now. Anyway, he didn’t like giving up control so completely like that. It felt wrong. “Is this alright?” he asked, though he’d already started rocking into her.

“Yes… Eren…” she breathed as she lay her head on his shoulder. He went faster.

He kissed her again, fighting her tongue with his. He was about to come… and then a knock sounded at the front door.

Eren stilled for a moment.

“Don’t stop, please—” Mikasa begged, bucking her hips against his. “Just ignore them… they’ll go away.”

Eren did as she said and he tried to ignore it. They knocked again… he was definitely ignoring it now and he was nearly there again… the person knocked a third time… Mikasa kissed Eren’s neck. She kissed his eyebrow as he came… he buried his face into the bend of her neck as he tried to stifle a groan.

“Sorry,” he whispered.

“Why are you sorry?” Mikasa whispered back, kissing his shoulder.  

He pulled away from the kiss and said, “You didn’t get to… you know…” Gently, he set her down on her feet in the tub.

“Oh, I don’t need to do that to be satisfied.”

“I don’t believe you.” Eren reached back for a couple of towels from a small stack by the sink and he handed one to her. “I’m going to go see who’s at the door. When they leave, I’ll find a way to make you come, okay?”

Mikasa blushed and crossed her arms over her chest, hugging her towel against her breasts.

“Hey, don’t be embarrassed.” He wrapped his towel around his waist and smiled. “I’m not embarrassed. I’m looking forward to it.”

Mikasa nodded. “I’m going to… I’ll meet you in… um…”

“Yeah, I’ll meet you in our bedroom,” Eren said. Wrapping his arms around her cool waist, he leaned down and gave her a lingering, soft kiss. “I love you.”

Mikasa blushed again, surprised. Eren smiled brightly at her again and then left the bathroom.

His feet left watery footprints as he padded across the house to the front door. A fourth knock sounded just as he reached the door and swung it open.

Levi lowered his fist. “You’re needed at headquarters.”

Eren had to fight the urge to shut the door in his superior’s face. “Yes, sir,” he said instead.

Levi was eyeing Eren’s towel around his waist. “Catch you at a bad time?”

“Um…”

From behind Eren, the bathroom door creaked open. Eren and Levi both gazed across the great room to Mikasa, who walked calmly to the master bedroom while wrapped in a towel. Eren could see even from across the house that she was blushing profusely.

“Yes, I see that I did,” Levi said. When Eren turned back again, he was surprised to see that Levi had raised his eyebrows. What did that look mean? “I’ll wait at the pub down the street. Mikasa should come too if she wants. I don’t think Hange will care. Pack so that you’re ready to go on the next expedition after headquarters.”

“Yes, sir.”

Eren watched Levi walk away down the street for a moment before he closed the door.


	5. The Kitchen at Headquarters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Furlough is cut short when Levi makes Eren come to headquarters. Mikasa comes along too.

When Eren came back to the master bedroom, Mikasa was already dressed in her Survey Corps uniform, though she didn’t have her 3dm gear on yet. She was busy re-packing. 

“So you heard Levi?” Eren asked. He shut the bedroom door behind himself even though there was no need.

“Yes.”

“Well, he can wait.” Eren shrugged and smiled, though Mikasa didn’t look up at him from her work. “He went down to the pub.”

Mikasa finished re-rolling the tent and moved to an equipment bag that had been issued specifically for use on ocean outings. Finally, she glanced up. “Eren, you must still place your duty to humanity first. Even before me. We cannot keep Levi waiting.”

It was as though she’d read his mind—Eren felt simultaneously guilt-ridden and relieved. It was quiet between them while Eren pulled his towel from his waist. Mikasa had laid out his uniform on the end of the bed for him.

Once he was dressed, he noticed Mikasa had finished packing. But instead of waiting by the door or else simply leaving, she was sitting on her shins on the floor and looking down at the bag in her hands. Seeing this, Eren knelt down next to her.

“Hey.” He leaned forward and kissed the corner of her mouth. He was about to ask her what was wrong, but he was distracted. The top button of her uniform was missing. It looked as though she’d intentionally left her collar open to show off her breasts. But this was Mikasa—this obviously wasn’t the case. What had happened to that button? He said quietly, “I will sneak into your bedroom at headquarters tonight. No one has to know.”

She looked up at Eren, clearly surprised. Her eyes were brimmed with tears. “I don’t… that’s not why…”

Eren was startled at the sight of her tears. Why was she crying? Reflexively, he pulled her into his lap and held her tightly against his chest. Surprisingly, she let him do it. She seemed to melt a little as she gave into him, and she laid her head in the curve of his neck. He felt her silently sigh.

 He nudged her chin up with his thumb and pulled her into a lingering kiss. She let him kiss her, though she didn’t really kiss him back.

“Everything is going to be alright,” Eren said against her lips.

Mikasa’s eyes popped open and looked back into his. “Don’t say that.”

“What do you want me to say?” He held his breath, as she pulled away from his embrace and stood gracefully without needing to touch the floor. “I’ll say whatever you want me to say!”

“I’ve wasted too much time. Let’s go.”

“Wait.” He stood too and grabbed her elbow, stopping her from picking up the rolled-up tent.

Pulling her elbow from his grasp, picked up the tent and stared down at the floor.

“Mikasa… I just…” He was going to ask for her forgiveness. But what did he do wrong? He didn’t know. “Let us have this moment of happiness, like you said. Alright?” Leaning forward, he kissed her temple. And then, picking up their bags, he turned and left the bedroom. He heard her follow.

As he neared the door, he saw her button that had skittered to the floor on their first evening at home. He picked it up and pocketed it. Mikasa ignored him as she opened the door and walked out to the dirt road by the house. He followed her out and locked the door.

Soon, they were standing behind Levi, who was sitting on a barstool. They waited while Levi finished his drink, laid some money down on the bar, and slid down from his chair to face Eren and Mikasa. For a moment, he gazed at them with narrowed eyes. What was he angry about?

But then he turned on his heel. The two silently followed him out of the pub and they made their way to the hostler. After retrieving the three horses that Levi had brought from headquarters, they soon made their way out town and further toward headquarters. Eren asked over the thundering of the horses’ hooves, “What am I needed for? Did Armin get Annie out?”

“More Coordinate practice,” Levi answered, “and no.”

Except for the horses, it was quiet again until they arrived at headquarters. Armin and Hange were sitting on a bale of hay near the stable, clearly waiting. The two stood up as the three stabled their horses and then walked nearer.

Wordlessly, Levi handed Hange some folded up money.

“What is—oh!” She looked around to Mikasa and Eren and clutched the money to her chest as she laughed.

“Yes, you win,” Levi said, crossing his arms and smirking. Eren glanced at Mikasa and saw that she was blushing as she held the collar of her shirt closed.

Eren nearly gasped when he realized why she looked strange. Where was her scarf?! It was late summer and hot, but still—she would normally wear it anyway. In fact, she hadn’t worn it since the ocean. Had she lost it there?

“Um,” Armin said while Hange continued cackling, “the new recruits already ate and um, they’re on cleaning duty until it’s time for training… so, uh, come on. I made us lunch.” They all started inside toward the dining hall as Hange trailed after them, quieting her laughter.

Armin lugged a pot of stew out to one of the tables as Eren pumped some water into a pitcher, Hange set out drinking glasses, Mikasa laid out bowls, and Levi washed the spoons before handing one to everyone.

As Armin served everyone, Hange said, “So, Eren. Mikasa. As your commander, it’s my duty to inform you—well, you know the rules. No women in the men’s barracks, vice versa. All that stuff!” She slurped a spoonful of stew. “Armin, this is delicious!”

“Thanks,” Armin said, half-smiling without looking up.

“Of course, Commander,” Mikasa said quietly, staring down at her stew.

Eren ate a spoonful of stew and stayed quiet. What Hange didn’t know wouldn’t hurt her.

 “To be clear, this is a formal chastisement,” Levi said. “We don’t have time for any drama or other shit. You’re not allowed to date someone within the military unless you formally write your intentions to Zackley and he approves it.”

“Really, the military unintentionally encourages marriage through widow and widower benefits and things,” Hange said, waving her spoon as though everyone already knew this. “So, you know, if I have to chastise you again—people have been forced into marriage in the past because of those arbitrary rules about bed sharing…”

“Hannah and Franz,” Armin interjected.

“Honestly,” Hange continued, “and don’t tell any of the newbies, but I don’t care! There’s only a handful of us anymore, after all! To be worried about arbitrary rules is a waste of time—”

“I care. I don’t want to lose one of the few soldiers we have left so she can go have a baby,” Levi said. “Also, don’t disgust me.” He stared at Eren and Eren looked quickly away. “That’s all I ask.”

“Oh Levi!” Hange said, “You’re one to talk! You and—”

“Hange, shut up,” Levi snapped.

Eren exchanged a quick side-glance with Armin but no one said anything to this.

“Leeeevi. Don’t be insubordinate or I’ll have to tap your wrist too,” Hange said. Levi looked up sharply at her and so she winked at him as she ate another spoonful of stew.

In the silence which followed, everyone soon finished eating except for Mikasa, who still had only taken about two bites of stew. “Mikasa, eat!” Eren demanded. Everyone looked at him but he didn’t care.

She ate a spoonful. And then slowly another. “I’m not very hungry.” She looked over to Eren and met Eren’s eyes. “Sorry,” she said softly. She ate mechanically. Another spoonful. Another. He was glad she was eating, in any case, though he already felt bad for yelling at her.

Once everyone was done, including Mikasa, everyone brought their bowls to the sink.

“Eren and Mikasa, you wash the dishes as your punishment for whatever Levi saw,” Hange said lightly.

“Commander, we were in our private home,” Eren tried. “How is that punishable—?”

“Yeah, you really aren’t allowed to live in the same house either, you know, if you’re fucking.” She tapped her chin. “With everything going on with the rebuilds and all the planning for the trips to the ocean, you’ll forgive me for turning a blind eye to the rules, won’t you? Oh! You know?! That reminds me—the paperwork in your files, I think you’re technically listed as siblings in each other’s family profiles… I’ll have to change that…”

Eren said nothing. Mikasa was already pumping the hand pump at the sink.

“When you’re done cleaning, come out to the practice field,” Levi said.

Hange seemed to pull herself from her thoughts. “Yeah! Levi and I have been overseeing some of the training of the new recruits. You will help train them in hand-to-hand combat while we’re here, Mikasa.”

“Yes, Ma’am,” Mikasa said without looking up from her work.  

“And Eren, Armin says there’s one more thing he wants to try before you start working on Annie. And then you’ll try working on the Coordinate again.”

“Yes, Ma’am,” Eren said. With that, Armin, Hange and Levi left the overlarge kitchen. Eren watched them leave through the dining hall before turning around to face Mikasa again.

Just like at home, light spilled through the kitchen window here too. The bright afternoon sunlight made her hair glow blue and her skin seemed paler than it actually was. “You’re so damned beautiful,” Eren said quietly as he came to her side.

Mikasa half-smiled without looking up from her work. She had already finished washing all the water glasses and was halfway done with the bowls. As she cleaned them, she laid them gently into a wooden drying rack next to the sink’s basin. It was impressive how quickly she worked.

“I’m sorry for yelling at you before.” He started pumping the hand pump at the sink so the water would flow harder. She washed another bowl. Then another…

“I should eat. You’re right. I can’t stay strong if I don’t eat. I can’t protect you if I’m not strong.”

Eren’s first reaction was to tell her she didn’t need to protect him, but he stopped himself. Instead, he said, “Right. But even if I’m not around to be strong for, I still want you to take care of yourself. You must. Alright?”

“Eren, don’t say that.”

“So… is that what you were upset about? When we were leaving the house?” He tried to make it sound like this was no big deal.

“Most of the time, I’m just sad. I can’t be angry like you. I feel terrible saying so. Especially to you…”

“No. Tell me. I want to know what you’re thinking.”

Mikasa glanced up at him and then back down to the sink. “Since seeing the ocean, I’ve honestly become sadder with every bit of happiness you’ve given me. But please… I don’t want to hurt you…” She glanced over at Eren again. He shook his head, so Mikasa continued. “Well, I know, no matter what…” He watched as she clenched her jaw for a moment, but then she continued, “I’m going to lose you. And then I will lose Armin. And I’ll be left alone. Just like Levi. It is a curse to be an Ackerman. I will be the last one standing, just like him.”

She took a deep breath. Eren knew how hard it was for her to say what she was saying. Even so, it was difficult for him to stay quiet.

Mikasa continued, “My only wish is that I may die _with you_ when the time comes. But I know… I know that…” Mikasa clenched her jaw again. She was finished washing the bowls and started cleaning the spoons now.

Eren didn’t know what to say to this, but he needed to contradict her. “No!” he shouted as he grabbed her hand where it clutched the sink.

She ignored him. “The world is a cruel place,” she said. Carefully, she laid the clean spoon in her hands in the cup on the drying rack. Instead of picking up another spoon, she held tightly to the edge of the sink. “Once, when I believed you were dead, everyone thought you were dead… I had given up. I was prepared to die. But then, just as the titan was about to kill me, I fought back. It was because of _you,_ Eren. It’s _always_ been because of you.” She glanced up and he saw a rare glimpse of desperation in her eyes before she looked back down. “I kept fighting for you even after I believed you were dead. Because—Eren… If I were no longer alive, I could no longer remember _you_.”

Eren stepped behind Mikasa and wrapped his arms tight around her waist. “I love you more than the world,” he said into her hair, unintentionally smelling the lavender and other herbs from the bath this morning. “Please don’t cry.” He kissed her shoulder.

“Eren… please…” she whispered, her tears falling into the sink.

“I’m sorry,” he said softly. “I’m sorry, Mikasa.” He wished he could take her home again. He wished it was this morning again and that Levi had never knocked at their door… Without thinking, he cupped her jaw in his hand and, leaning over her shoulder, he pulled her into a kiss.

She pulled away immediately and shook her head a little. “We really shouldn’t be disrespectful...”

With a glance back to the door which led to the dining hall (no one was there), Eren slid his hand down to Mikasa’s trousers and flicked the top button open.

“Eren,” she said in a warning tone.

“Is that a ‘no’?” he asked, pressing a wet kiss to her neck. “I just want you to be happy. Please.”

She didn’t say anything, but instead she only bent her head to the side a bit, allowing Eren better access to her skin. He pressed a kiss to her neck again. “Say no and I’ll stop,” he said into her ear and then lightly nipped at her earlobe. A moment passed. She said nothing.

Slowly, he slid his hand down the front of Mikasa’s trousers and under her panties.

“Eren,” she said again, but it wasn’t a warning now. Rather, it was a supplication... He parted her and explored with his fingertips, not quite sure what he was doing.

A few years ago, Eren had overheard Reiner and Jean talking about a certain spot you could touch on a woman. Reiner somehow knew what to do and had explained where it was and what to do with it in detail. Jean clearly had had no idea what Reiner was talking about, but after Reiner finished explaining, Jean had acted as though he’d known it all already…

And then Mikasa took a sharp breath in. With that, Eren knew at once that he’d found what he was looking for.

“What—” Mikasa started. As she gripped harder to the edge of the sink, her head fell back onto Eren’s shoulder. Was her moan as loud as it sounded to him or did it only seem that way because they weren’t supposed to be doing this?

Eren wrapped his other arm firmly around her waist and held her up. Gently, he dipped his hand lower inside her panties and he pushed his fingers into her as he kept his thumb on her sweet spot. He glanced back once more over his shoulder. Still no one.

“Please…” she whispered.

He pressed a little harder with his thumb as it moved inexpertly around and over her. His whole hand was wet. Quickly, he moved his other hand so it dipped under her open collar as he held her up against himself. Her breast made an oddly good handle… he smirked as he tried to control his breathing.

“Eren…”

“Does that feel good?” he asked into her ear.

“So… I’m… I’m already…”

“Yes!” Eren yelled in a whisper. “Come on, Mikasa…” he urged.

As she bit her lip, she let out another stifled moan. She breathed, “Someone… might…”

His lips grazed her ear as he spoke without knowing what he was going to say before he said it. “I could listen to you talk like that forever.” His mind was blank with unease and lust. His own breathing sounded loud to him, and Mikasa sounded like she was practically yelling when she moaned, though he knew that she was trying to be quiet.

“Mmm…”

His erection was so hard that it hurt for the second time in one day. He really didn’t want to come in his trousers, it’d probably be obvious… He didn’t want to get Mikasa in trouble again—what the hell was he doing?!

He glanced back once more—still no one there. He kissed her neck and then her shoulder. “Come for me,” he growled in her ear.

She shook her head. He could see her eyes were squeezed shut as she bit her lip. Wayward tears trailed down her cheeks.

“Yes,” he said softly, though still insistent. He glanced back again as a habit. “Come. You gotta come for me.”

And as though a tidal wave crashed over her, she tensed. Her moan sounded like she was weeping.

“Yes,” Eren whispered, genuinely relieved that she was doing it. “Yes… oh God, Mikasa…”

And after a moment, her legs seemed to slowly collapse under her. Eren collapsed down with her to the floor. Gently, Eren pulled his hand out of her trousers and hugged her. She pulled him into a kiss and then nuzzled her face into his chest.

After a long moment of holding her on the cold stone floor of the kitchen, he said, “Come on, Mikasa.” He pulled the collar of her shirt so her breasts weren’t as exposed. She seemed to be almost falling asleep. “We have to go outside or they’re going to know something’s up.”

“I know,” she said, and she kissed him again. Her face was still shining with tears.

“Are you alright?”

“Mm, I’m fine,” she said decidedly. She pushed herself up to her feet again and took an unsteady step. Then, she turned and pulled Eren into another kiss. He pulled away before she did—he still had a throbbing erection and didn’t want to come. “I’ll finish up with the spoons. Go ahead outside, alright?”

“No.” She buttoned her trousers as she knelt down before him. “I need to take care of you.”

“What?”

 “They probably already suspect us.” Mikasa said, wiping the tears from her face with the heels of her hands. “You can’t go out there like this.” And she unzipped his trousers.  

“Um…” He’d heard of this before, obviously, but he never would have imagined Mikasa down on her knees like this, practically trying to talk him into it. Before he said anything else, he was in her mouth. It was his turn to hold onto the edge of the sink.

Mikasa looked up at him and he looked down at her and then he had to shut his eyes. “Mika—oh _fuck_ …” It took him less than two minutes to come after having been hard for so long.

Why was she so good at that?! “Are you literally perfect at everything?!”

She was still wobbly, so he helped her to her feet. “Thank you,” she said, smiling. He fully expected her to spit in the sink but she didn’t need to apparently.

Once he closed his trousers, he pulled her into a soft kiss, which she returned readily. And then, they hurried out to the practice fields together.

 


	6. Control

“Eren, you have no control.”

Eren broke free from the nape of his titan, which immediately began to fall and crumble. He used his 3dm gear to get down to Levi, who stood next to Armin about twenty paces away from the Attack Titan and crystal-Annie. “I am trying as hard as I can!”

“Eren,” Armin said, “What if we asked Historia to come? You still need to try it again while touching a royal.”

Armin jogged toward Eren and Levi followed slowly after him.

“She can’t get away from Sina for at least a few weeks,” Levi said.

Distracted, Eren gazed across the field to Mikasa. She was helping Hange train the new recruits. Clearly, she was walking a kid through how to kick—it was the same move Annie had shown him during hand to hand training...

“It seems you no longer want to cross the ocean,” Levi said, barely moving his lips as he came closer. “What happened? You used to be the one driving everyone _else_ to their deaths.”

“Sir—” Armin started.

Levi continued in a bored voice, “You seem to lack any motivation. You are afraid for yourself now. You’ve seen the ocean and that’s all you wanted.”

Eren pulled his gaze from Mikasa and stared at Levi instead.

Levi raised an eyebrow just a fraction. “Oh. Actually…” He glanced back to Mikasa and then to Eren again. “No.”

“Huh?”

“It’s clearly because you’ve been fucking Mikasa.”

Eren glanced at Armin’s look of disbelief but then quickly looked back to Levi.

“So that’s all you ever were,” Levi said, narrowing his eyes. “Teenage hormones and a hard-on.”

“Uh, Captain… Maybe—” Armin tried again.

“Now you’re fucking the rest of us over too,” Levi said coldly. “You always were a spoiled, selfish brat.”

It was silent for two seconds as Eren stared at Levi and Levi stared back with a disgusted look on his face. Eren yelled in incoherent rage as though he were still in his Attack Titan form, completely drowning out Armin’s quick, calm words. As he yelled, he violently charged toward Levi, slamming him back against Annie’s crystal. Armin grabbed what he could—Eren’s arm—and tried to pull him off of Levi, but it was no use.

And then, as Eren’s clenched fist made contact with Levi’s jaw, something miraculous happened: Eren, Armin and Levi were sprayed with shards of pointed crystal. Annie transformed into her Female Titan form, shattering her crystal as though it were glass. Eren and Armin were knocked backward by her knuckles as she grabbed Levi.

Before anyone realized what was happening, the Female Titan was grabbing Levi in her huge fist and lifting him to her mouth.

But Levi was already breaking free of her grasp by cutting her fingers off. Somehow he’d been able to pull a sword while Eren punched him.

As Levi fell gracefully to the ground again, Mikasa and Hange were suddenly there. The new recruits followed, watching with wide eyes. Armin pulled Eren to his feet. “Eren, try to control her!” But then Annie’s Female Titan went limp and fell to her knees. Steam rose as Mikasa and Levi dragged Annie from the nape of the Female Titan’s neck.

“We aren’t going to kill you!” Hange shouted. “Do not re-crystalize! We want to talk to you!” She quickly maneuvered with her gear to the shoulder of the kneeling, inactive Female Titan. Armin grabbed a coil of rope from where it was lying nearby and also hurried up to Hange’s side. Together, Armin and Hange bound Annie’s hands behind her back while Mikasa and Levi continued to hold her still. And as they bound her ankles, she stopped fighting their hold. Her body sagged as she went limp.

“I think she fainted,” Armin said.

“Or she’s faking it,” Levi said without slackening his choke-hold around her neck. Mikasa, however, let go of Annie’s waist and legs and simply watched Annie.

“I want a twenty-four hour watch on her,” Hange said, glancing from Armin to Levi and to Mikasa.

“Yes, Commander,” Levi, Armin and Mikasa said together. 

“Hmm… but not by you two,” Hange said to Levi and Mikasa. “I want Eren and Armin rotating in twelve hour shifts, ready to transform. If she tries to leave or crystalize, I want either Eren or Armin to consume her on the spot.”

“Yes, Ma’am,” Eren said and glanced to Armin. “Yes, Ma’am,” Armin said again, belatedly.

As the Ackermans carried Annie down from the shoulders of the Female Titan, and Armin and Eren closely followed, Hange then turned to the new recruits. She ordered the closest two kids to go retrieve Sasha, Connie, Floch, and Jean from their homes.

 

Eren spent the next twelve hours alone with a passed-out Annie. In case the boys needed to transform into their titans, Hange had decided to set up a make-shift infirmary in a large tent in the practice field for Annie.

It was well after dinner and very dark. Mikasa had brought his dinner out to him earlier, but she had been ordered not to eat with him. And so, it had been a very long and boring twelve hours.

Eren had been afforded two candles and had only lit one. Sitting on a small wooden chair by Annie’s cot, he’d spent hours staring at Annie’s face and thinking over and over what had happened. What was it that made her finally transform?

It could have been coincidence. Maybe she just decided at that moment to transform.

Or, he could have triggered his Coordinate power. It could have been that Eren was close to an Ackerman—he was punching Levi’s face. When Eren had commanded the titans to attack Dina’s smiling titan, he’d been about to kiss Mikasa… Or… it could have been because of Armin’s hold on Eren’s arm. That is, if Armin was of royal blood.

Eren startled. Someone was standing in the man-sized tent flap—it was just Armin. “My turn,” Armin said, covering his yawn with the fat book in his hand. “I managed to sleep for about two hours, so I should be fine.”

“Oh, good,” Eren said, “You were smart to bring a book.”

Armin took a step forward and the flap fluttered shut behind him. “So what do you think—?”

“I think it was you,” Eren said immediately. “You look like Historia. It makes sense that you could have royal blood. We don’t know a lot about your parents, after all.”

Armin took a slow, deep breath. “I think so, too.” He came up to Annie’s cot and gazed down at her. “I think it was the combination of your intense emotional state and my touch on your arm. You were saving Mikasa’s life the first time and touching the titan hand. This time, I was touching you and you were about to kill Levi.”

“I wasn’t going to kill him,” Eren said immediately.

Armin raised his eyebrows and opened his mouth. Eren waited for Armin to speak but then he shut his mouth again and shook his head.

“I should go,” Eren said, standing from his chair and stretched.

“Mm.” Armin sat down in the vacated chair as Eren took a small step toward the door.

“Goodnight,” Eren said, lifting the door flap.

“No. Wait,” Armin said in a careful tone.

Eren stopped, staring out at the dark practice field. Again, he waited for Armin to speak. But Armin still didn’t say anything. Dropping the flap, Eren turned back around. Armin’s face looked red in the candlelight. Was he going to cry? “Um…” Armin started. Yes, Armin was fighting tears. “This is difficult for me to say.”

“What is it?”

“Please just… um…”

It suddenly dawned on Eren what was bothering Armin. “Nothing Levi said was true,” Eren said quickly. “I am in love with Mikasa! I—I am not just—just _fucking_ her! And I’m not fucking _everyone over_! He just said that stupid stuff to get a rise out of me!”

“Marry her,” Armin said under his breath, though he spoke just as forcefully as Eren. He stood from the chair by Annie’s bed and faced Eren. “Mikasa doesn’t deserve this. She deserves the utmost respect from everyone, especially you. If you love her, it is best for everyone that she marry you now before things get worse for her.”

“I… is that best for her? I…”

“I saw you two in the kitchen,” Armin whispered as tears fell from his wide, blue eyes. “Levi sent me back to check on you two. I saw you together. _Again_. She said no and you didn’t listen—”

“It wasn’t like that,” Eren said quietly, tears of embarrassment burning his eyes. “I’m sorry—”

“You need to apologize to _Mikasa!_ _Not_ _me!_ ”

Tears rolled down Eren’s face as he glanced around the dark tent and then back to Armin’s shining blue eyes. Without another word, Eren left the tent and strode into the dark.

* * *

 

When Armin sat back down in the chair by the bed, his heart stopped for a beat: Annie’s eyes were open.

“Annie,” Armin whispered. “You’re awake.”

She gazed over the details of Armin’s face—his eyebrows, his eyes, his mouth, his hair—and she gave a small fraction of a smile.

“Can you speak?” he asked.

“These ropes won’t hold me,” Annie whispered. She gestured with her chin to the ropes strapped over her body on the bed.

“I know. That’s why I’m watching you,” Armin said quietly back.

Annie looked confused at this. “Well, I’m glad it’s you, Armin.”

Armin never asked Hange what he was allowed to tell Annie…  Could he tell her he had the Colossal Titan now? “Mm.”

“How long was I crystallized?”

“Um… how long do you think it’s been?”

“It feels like it’s been a few days… but Eren’s hair… it’s longer now.” 

“Yeah, it’s been more than a few days since Trost,” Armin said evasively.

“You look a little older too.”

Armin glanced over at the candle as it flickered even though there was no wind in the tent.

“What are you allowed to tell me?”

Armin shook his head. It was quiet between them for a moment while he played with the frayed binding of the book on his lap.

“You used to look too pretty but… your face changed… you’re handsome now. Something is different about you.”

“Don’t try to trick me. It won’t work.”

“I have no reason to lie to you anymore.”

Armin wiped the drying tears from his cheek with the back of his hand and gazed down at his book. “Do you still want to kill everyone and go home?”

Annie looked down at the ropes again. “I never wanted to kill everyone…” She watched Armin’s hands as he fiddled with his book. “And as for going home... Who doesn’t long comfort and peace? I will never be home, even if I return to my father in Marley.”

“You’re wondering about Bertholdt and Reiner but you think I don’t know,” Armin said in a hard voice. Annie looked sharply back into Armin’s eyes as he continued, “Reiner took Ymir and the two of them went back to your hometown. And as for Bertholdt… I have the Colossal Titan now.”

“You?” Annie clenched her teeth and glanced away. “Reiner… left?”

“You abandoned them first, Annie.”

She took a sharp intake of breath, and then another, without seeming to breathe out. “Oh. Did you think I chose to crystallize myself?” she breathed. She looked at him with wide, pained eyes. “Well. That’s just as well.”

Armin glanced around the tent. He didn’t want to look at Annie because he couldn’t help it when he believed her. Certainly, she was lying. What did she mean by ‘chose to’? Was she trying to say someone else did it? …Could Eren have unwittingly forced her to crystallize with the Coordinate power?

“It’s okay,” she said. He met her eyes for a moment. “I’m ready, Armin.” As she shut her eyes, tears were pressed out of her eyelashes.

“Ready?” What did she mean? He watched the tears fall down her face. “I’m not going to kill you unless I have to. I’m not here to… to um, eat you.”

“Oh.” She opened her eyes and looked up at the ceiling of the tent. Armin watched as she bit her lip and fought her tears. “Oh, okay.”

Armin’s hand itched to wipe her tears away but he knew he shouldn’t touch her. She could still be trying to trick him, after all.

“You have Bertholdt’s memories inside you,” she whispered.

“Technically, yes, I do.”

Annie nodded her head quickly and squeezed her eyes shut again. Her chest wracked with a silent sob. “Then… then you know. You know I wanted to turn back. You know I never wanted to do any of this.”

Armin shook his head. “Annie. But you did. You were going to kill Eren.”

“No. I never wanted to kill Eren. I never wanted to kill anyone.”

“No one will believe that—”

“We were supposed to bring the Coordinate back home. We failed our mission. I wanted to bring Eren back because any of the nine was better than nothing. The people that died—it was war. Don’t you understand? I had to kill Levi’s squad because they stood in the way of Eren. I didn’t want to kill them. And the people in town who happened to get in the way in Trost. I know they were innocent... they were no more ‘devils’ than anyone in Marley, Eldian or not… But it couldn’t be helped. Eren killed people too. They were just in the way…” She shook her head. “It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter…” She tried to sit up but the ropes pulled her back down. “If Reiner went back… maybe they’ll assume I’m dead now. And… oh. Who?” She stared into Armin’s blue eyes, her own blue eyes opened wide and shining. “Who is the Coordinate?”

“What?”

Annie closed her eyes again and laid her head back on the pillow. “That’s the only way I could be put in or taken out of the crystal. I couldn’t come out by choice. The Coordinate is the only one who can do that. I think the walls here are the same way. It had to be someone close to us. Is it you? Eren? Hange?”

Armin didn’t say anything. Why didn’t Annie wonder if it was Mikasa or Levi? To hide his face, Armin opened his book and stared down at it. It was quiet for long enough that he actually began reading.

Annie lay peacefully with her eyes closed. Maybe she was falling back to sleep? But then she spoke. “Did you know we’re dying?” Annie said softly. “I’m going to die in a few years. You only get thirteen years from when you consumed Bertholdt. It’s called the curse of Ymir.”

“I know.” Armin glanced up from his book.

“Oh. Right, Bertholdt’s memories.”  

It was quiet again. He wasn’t about to tell her that they found Dr. Yeager’s journals. That would be too much information. Probably he shouldn’t have even told her as much as he had. Armin tried to continue reading his book but it was difficult to concentrate. He could feel Annie staring at him. It was a really old book and the binding was falling apart. It wasn’t very interesting.

“Mikasa finally got what she always wanted,” Annie said.

Armin pretended to ignore her but actually he was only staring at the page again. He held his breath as he waited for her to speak.

“I heard some of your conversation… how you think Eren forced himself on Mikasa,” Annie clarified, half-smiling. Armin shut his book and lay it on his lap again. “You’re a good friend to love her that much. It must be hard for you to stand up to Eren. I know you love him too.”

“Hm.” Armin glanced to the door flap just so he wouldn’t have to keep eye contact with Annie.

She said to his profile, “But after what you said to him, he probably went directly to her bed from here. Because I know you’re wrong. Mikasa loves him more than herself. He’d never have to force himself on her.”

“Annie…”

“If you can find a little happiness in this terrible world, why not take it?”

Armin half-smiled for the first time that evening as he met her gaze again. “Have you ever lived like that? Take happiness where you can find it?” He raised an eyebrow suggestively.

Annie blushed. “No. And neither have you. We’re different from Mikasa and Eren. They’re too passionate for their own good.”

“I think you’re jealous of Mikasa. You always seemed to like Eren.”

“I admire Eren’s stubbornness. But no, I’m truly happy for them. Are you jealous of Eren? Or maybe you’re jealous of Mikasa?”

Armin smirked and shook his head slightly. “I’m happy for them.”

Annie smiled at Armin and he felt himself smile back. He loved her nose. It was unlike any other nose he’d ever seen. He didn’t think Annie would be Annie without it.

“If I couldn’t transform into a Titan, these ropes would literally put me at your mercy.”

Armin’s mouth fell open before he could recover. “Well, you can trust me. Though, I should tell you, if you try to escape, I’ve been ordered to kill you.”

“I figured as much. So if not you, who is going to do it? Will it be a woman? Sasha? Krista?”

“What? Krista? Um, there isn’t any immediate plan for that.”

Annie turned her head and stared up at the tent ceiling again. Armin was relieved he could watch her without having to hold her gaze. As she took a deep, steadying breath, his gaze was pulled to her breasts as they pressed against her bindings. “When I was given the Female Titan, I never really thought… I was too young to think… that I might want to fall in love one day or live a normal life. All I thought of was making my father proud of me. And now I’ll die having never even kissed a man.”

Armin pulled his gaze from her chest and looked down at his book. “I was made into the Colossal because I was about to die. I don’t deserve it. It should have been given to someone else.”

Annie shook her head, causing a tear to fall from the corner of her eye. “It’s not an honor to have a Titan. It is only a burden.”

Hesitantly, Armin bent to his knees, setting his book down on his chair behind him. Kneeling at the side of her cot, he wiped her tear away. He was surprised when she pressed her cheek into his hand.

She said, “If Bertholdt had to die, I’m thankful he was able to save you, at least.”

“I’m sorry he had to die. I know you and Reiner and Bertholdt—please don’t tell anyone I think this, but… I think you three just wanted to do what you thought was right. Just like the Survey Corps tries to do. It’s just… can’t you see that you were wrong now? Probably both sides are wrong, actually.”

“Yes,” she whispered. “Both sides are wrong. I don’t think any of us should have to fight each other.” Annie bit her lip as new tears made trails across the bridge of her nose and down her cheeks. “Armin, I hate it. I hate it all. My father… he lied… he lied to me…”

Armin shook his head and he began crying again too.

“It’s all so fucking pointless,” Annie whispered. “I’m going to die for this meaninglessness, all because my father! And he… God, I hate—”

Armin cut her words off by pressing his lips to hers.  

And just as suddenly as he kissed her, he pulled away. “Uh… sorry…”

She shook her head quickly. “Kiss me again.”

“Really?” His head warred with his heart. He really shouldn’t kiss her… what was he doing?!

“Please, Armin.” She bit her lip again as she tried to stop crying. She pressed herself against the ropes.

Gently this time, he bent down and kissed her again. She readily kissed him back. He knew she was probably only trying to use him to break free but part of him couldn’t help remember Annie the way she was before the Battle of Trost… Could she really feel this way toward him?

And then, as though a dam broke in his mind, Armin saw Bertholdt’s memories of Annie. They were standing in a field. Reiner was splitting a log… Annie was walking away. The curve of her shoulders was so feminine, Bertholdt wanted to protect her with his life. But he knew she would never need his help, nor ever want it…

They were landing on the beach after crossing to Paradis from Marley. He wanted to hold her hand. He wanted to comfort her the only way he knew how…

The night he joined the Survey Corps, he immediately regretted it. Annie needed him more than Reiner. How was he going to protect her from so far away? Why couldn’t he have been stronger for her and stayed the path like she had?

Annie had told him, “Bertholdt, just stay with Reiner. He can protect you. You two can go home at least.”

“You’re the only one, Armin,” she whispered in the low candlelight. She looked into his eyes as he pulled away from her kiss again. “You’re the only one to ever think I was something more than… than a machine…”

“I don’t think that’s true,” Armin said.

“It is,” Annie said softly, frowning. “You were kind to me. No one else ever saw me like you do.”

Armin gave her a half-smile as she lifted her head. He threaded his hand into her hair as he kissed her this time.

And he saw her through Bertholdt’s eyes again. He woke up at their small camp outside the wall. Annie was half-naked and washing at the riverside. She was mostly hidden behind a tree, but he couldn’t help but see her.

Taking a sharp breath, Armin pulled suddenly away. “I’m sorry!”

Annie shook her head as she blushed and laughed a little. “It’s okay.”

“I—I shouldn’t—”

“I wanted to kiss you. I like kissing you.”

Armin wanted to leave but he knew he couldn’t. It would only be the two of them for hours.

“Armin, you make me feel alive. I don’t care about anything else anymore. If they want to kill me, let me die.”

 “I saw you… Bertholdt saw you, I mean.”

“Good. I’m glad it’s you,” Annie said fiercely. “I trust you, Armin.”


	7. Dawn

Leaving the practice fields, Eren strode down the side ambulatory of headquarter’s barracks. The image of Armin’s reddened face and teary eyes burned in the front of his mind. “ _She said ‘no’ and you didn’t listen…”_

Eren gritted his teeth. As though he were trying to contradict Armin’s voice, he shook his head and shoved his hands in his pockets. He nearly turned back around to face the practice field again so he could go yell at Armin. But no, it wasn’t necessary. Armin was right—it was Mikasa he really needed to talk to…

As he walked, his fingertips of his right hand slid against something round and small inside his pocket. He assumed it was a coin, but then he remembered. It was Mikasa’s button. Without pausing, he passed the door which led to the men’s barracks. Instead, as he flipped the button over and over between his fingers, he made his way toward the stairs to the women’s rooms. He took the stairs to the women’s barracks two at a time, making sure to stay on the balls of his feet so he made hardly any sound.

Since so many had died when retaking Shiganshina, Levi’s squad had taken the highest officer’s rooms of the Survey Corps, and so, they no longer had to share rooms. Which room was Mikasa’s? He tried a few doors. The first two bedrooms were empty. The third door he tried revealed someone inside—it was Sasha. Not Mikasa. Thankfully, Sasha was sound asleep in bed. He shut the door without a sound.

The next door he tried was Mikasa’s. It was dark in her room and she was clearly asleep. Glancing around, he quickly found her uniform hanging neatly on a hook on the wall. Pulling her shirt from its hanger, he slipped out of the room again. He passed no one on his way back to his own bedroom.

After lighting a few candles, he found his small, military-issued sewing kit. Threading a needle, he set to work. He would sew Mikasa’s button back onto her shirt. As he strained to remember the details of how to do this, he found himself wishing he had paid closer attention years ago to his mother’s instructions. As always, it was too late now to ask her again.  

It was a long time later that he was finished. He’d had to start over once because he’d been too hasty and had forgotten to knot the end of the string. Then, he had to start over two more times because he had accidentally tangled his thread in the low light of the bedroom. Eventually though, he was finished.

As he held Mikasa’s shirt up in front of himself for inspection, he realized that the sun was already beginning to rise outside his window. Snuffing his candles out, he hurried quietly from his room. He hoped he could return her shirt before she woke up.  

Seeing no one in the men’s hallway, he took the stairs up to the women’s rooms two at a time again. Without knocking, he swung Mikasa’s door open and shut it just as silently.

But Mikasa was sitting on the edge of her bed in her trousers and bra. When the door opened, she startled. He watched her hands cross over her mostly-naked chest as she looked up at him. “Oh.” She let her hands fall from herself as she stood and faced him.

“Sorry. I had your button.” He held her shirt up as proof. “I fixed it. I wanted to return it to you before you noticed it was gone. But I guess I took too long.”

“Thank you.” She took the shirt from his outstretched hand.

Without meaning to, he gaped at her breasts. In places, he could see through the white lace of her bra. Yesterday afternoon in the kitchen suddenly felt like it had been ages ago… “Um, alright.” He pulled his gaze away from where he could see the darker pink of her left nipple. “I’ll see you later.” He turned to leave as she dropped her shirt to the bed.

“Eren.”

He stopped with his hand on the doorknob. “I don’t want to get you into any more trouble. Armin is pissed off now too.”

“Armin? Eren, wait.”

He turned to face her again and gazed warily over at her. Why did she look worried? “I should go. Maybe we could talk later.”

She shook her head. “What’s wrong?” Slowly, she reached her hand out to him, palm up. “I hope Levi’s words from yesterday aren’t still bothering you.”

He stared at her palm for a moment and then, against his better judgement, he stepped toward her and took her hand in his. He thought again about what Armin had said in Annie’s tent. His words stung Eren’s chest even though he knew Armin had been essentially wrong. Mikasa had _wanted_ him, hadn’t she? Or was this all just some messed up titan-science thing and she had no choice but to do whatever would make him happy? He said, “I should have listened to you yesterday when you said ‘no’.” He stared down at Mikasa’s small hand inside his own and turned it over, caressing her fingers with his thumb. How could such a feminine hand have killed so many titans? The back of his own hand now looked like how his father’s had. When had that happened? “I was wrong. I’m sorry.”

She let go of his hand. And he craved her touch so much, letting go of her felt as though he were freezing to death and she was the only source of warmth left in the world.

He needed to leave. He was just about to turn toward the door again… But Mikasa was reaching behind her back. She was unhooking her bra. Eren felt his eyes widen as he watched her. He desperately wished he could force himself to stop her... Instead, he watched as she slowly slid the straps down her arms and dropped the bra onto the bed.

Eren took a small step forward and grazed his fingertips against her waistline. “Mikasa…” Her nipples hardened as she shivered slightly.

“I want you to have whatever you want, Eren,” Mikasa said. “I need you to be happy. I shouldn’t have let Levi or Hange bother me. I promise you, I won’t make that mistake again.”

Eren took a second small step forward so she stood between his feet. As he wrapped his arms tightly around her, she tucked her face into the bend of his neck. “No. You were right to listen to them.”

“That is only true if you say it’s true.” Her voice was muffled by his shirt.

“Mikasa, don’t do that,” he said softly against her hair. “I don’t… I don’t own you.”

She lifted her face and he looked into her eyes. “I love you as completely as anyone can love someone else. I won’t compromise my love.”

“I love you too, Mikasa. Completely.”

She raised her hand to his face and caressed his jaw. For only a moment, he let her pull him where she wanted as she kissed him deep and slow. But soon, he made himself pull away. As he guided her to sit down on the bed, she automatically reached for the waistband of his trousers.

“Wait.” Eren knelt down before her and, grabbing her shirt where it lay next to her, he wrapped it around her shoulders.

Mikasa shook her head. “It’s alright.” She tried to shrug her shirt off again but he pulled it back onto her shoulders once more. For good measure, he then buttoned the newly-sewn top button.

“I need to say this.” He took her hands in each of his.

“Eren…” Mikasa’s eyes started to tear up. Had she guessed what he was going to say? Or did she think he was rejecting her?  

“Mikasa,” Eren whispered, “I don’t want you to throw your life away for my sake. In any way. I want you to think about what is best for you from now on before you do anything, especially when it comes to what you do with me.”

Mikasa’s eyebrows scrunched together as she took a deep breath, calming herself. Then, she nodded and squeezed his hands in hers.  

“I want you to always listen to Levi and Hange. If they order you to stop or leave me behind for any reason, you have to do it.”

“I… I will do whatever I think is best for me in such a situation.”

Eren took a slow, deep breath in and out. As he stared down at her hands, he continued, “I want you to keep living after I die. For as long as you can.” She was quiet and so he looked back into her eyes. “Promise me that you will.”

“Yes, Eren,” she said, as though she were taking orders. “I will.”

“And… Mikasa…” He bent over and kissed each of her hands as he fought the tears that welled in his eyes. “I know we mentioned this in the last few days…” She pulled one of her hands from his and rubbed his back. He lay his head in her lap. “And I know we’re young… but… Please, Mikasa, will you marry me? I don’t have the strength to go back to the way we were and I don’t have the strength to stay away from you.”

Her hand froze where she’d been rubbing his back. Eren looked up at her face—she smiled as tears shined in her eyes. “Are you sure this is what you want?”

“Absolutely.”

“Then, yes, Eren.” She pulled him up into her arms.

Eren laughed with her as she made him fall onto her. His tears fell from his eyes and onto her cheeks. “I’ll write to Zackley today,” he said.

“I will too.”

“If he consents, what do you think of getting married at the week’s end? We could do it on the next excursion to the ocean if Hange allows.” He adjusted himself so he held his weight up with his forearms on either side of her head. He was too aware of how her shirt had fallen open. His chest pressed her breasts upward slightly.

“Mm.” She nodded her head vigorously. “That sounds nice.” She pulled him into a kiss but he was already pushing himself to his feet. He really needed to leave or they would certainly get caught. She would be very obviously missing from breakfast soon. She was usually the first or second (after Levi, who never seemed to sleep) person up. “Please…” He was midway crawling off of her when she sat up and lay a hand on his shoulder. “Yesterday afternoon was so long ago.”

 They were nose to nose. “Yeah, I agree.”

“Please Eren?” She unbuttoned her top button again and pushed her shirt open. “I need you.”

Eren couldn’t help it when he looked down at her breasts. He made himself shut his eyes as he tried to calm himself enough to think. Slowly, he nuzzled his nose against hers. “At this point, we should wait until we’re married, Mikasa. Out of respect. It should only be a few days longer.”

“But… I don’t need to anyone to tell me I’m married to you. I already am married in my heart.”

“Just a few days. I promise.” He pressed his lips softly against hers and then stood up straight. She still hadn’t bothered to close her shirt and he had to force himself to look away from her again. He said without thinking, “I’m so fucking lucky, it’s ridiculous.”  

She laughed. “I do not agree with you. But, thank you.”

He smiled at her smile and then forced himself to leave her room. 


	8. Breakfast

Sasha and Connie had just finished breakfast duty and had also been the first two to eat. Now, two of the new recruits were on dish duty and so Sasha and Connie were leaving the dining hall. Probably thirty feet or so down the ambulatory which led to the barracks, Sasha saw Levi and Mikasa talking. She was glad she wouldn’t pass close enough to have to say anything to them. Ever since retaking Shiganshina, Levi was even more intense than usual…

“Oh, I’m still hungry!” Sasha said, glancing over at Connie. He stopped on the edge of the practice field in a stone threshold of the ambulatory. She stopped too and glanced across the field. Where was Hange?

“You just ate!”

“But… it was eggs! When I have eggs, I always want more. Especially scrambled, like we had today… Have you ever eaten poached eggs? Ohh, so good—”

“No.”

“They’re amazing. I tried it once with duck eggs. Duck eggs are bigger than chicken eggs usually…”

“I know.”

Sasha rubbed her muscular torso. “Did Hange say what she wanted us to do today? I really hope we aren’t supposed to help the new recruits train. I don’t want to run until my eggs have a chance to digest.”

Connie leaned back against a pillar along the edge of the ambulatory. “If you’re really still that hungry, I could find something else for you to eat.”

“What?” Sasha stared at Connie. “Are you going to steal me more eggs?” She folded her hands as though she were about to pray.

“No!” Connie laughed. “I have a sausage in my pants for you.” He winked at her.

“Oh.” Sasha dug her heel in the dry dirt under her foot. “Like I haven’t heard that one before.”

“Who said that to you, other than me?” Connie asked. He sounded genuinely surprised.

“Oh… they’re all dead now. Not any of our squad—well Jean said something once but he was kidding.”

“ _Jean_ said something to you? When?”

“It was years ago… after the potato thing on the first day. It’s no big deal.” Sasha batted her hand as though she was swatting the idea away from Connie. “Anyway, I think he has a thing for Armin.”

“Ha!” Connie rubbed his hand over his shaven head. “You mean Mikasa!”

“No, I thought since her and Eren—Armin saved Jean’s life back when—”

“No. Don’t tell anyone, but uh, did you notice that Mikasa wasn’t wearing her scarf at dinner last night?”

“Yeah! She did look different! That was it—her scarf—”

Connie exclaimed in a whisper, “Jean _stole_ it!”

Sasha stepped closer to him. “No way.”

“She left it behind when she went to get firewood with Eren when we were at the ocean. And so Jean still has it! I went by his room last night and I caught him—he was sniffing it!”

“He was not! Shut up! You’re such a bad liar.”

Connie shrugged. “I wouldn’t lie to you.” Sasha crossed her arms as her stomach growled loudly. She felt herself blush as Connie stared down at her crossed arms. “You _did_ eat breakfast, didn’t you?”

“You saw me eat!” She glanced over the practice field again but she and Connie were still the only two there. Gazing up and down the ambulatory, she saw that Levi and Mikasa had walked by at some point without either her noticing. “Where’s Commander Hange? This is where she told us to be, right?”

“Mm. She’s probably checking on Annie in the tent.”

“Oh, yeah. Probably. Did she want us to go in there?”

“No, it was strictly only Armin and Eren…”

Sasha’s stomach growled again. “Mmm, oh, I would love some bread…”

“Maybe you could sneak back into the hall and see if anyone doesn’t want theirs. Mikasa sometimes—”

“Come on,” Sasha said, pulling Connie by his elbow.

“You’re going the wrong way,” he said, trying to pull his elbow from her grasp.

“We’re going to your room, not the dining hall.”

“I don’t have any food in there.”

“I am taking you up on your sausage offer, idiot,” Sasha said, pulling open the door to the men’s barracks.

“I was only joking!”

She glanced over at Connie—he was wide-eyed and blushing. “Come on, it’ll be fun! Eren and Mikasa do it without getting in much trouble. What would Hange or Levi possibly do to us? Is this your room?” She pulled open a random door.

“This one’s Levi’s.” It was an immaculately clean room. Sasha shut the door quickly. “Mine is down toward the end...”

Sasha pulled Connie further down the hall. “This one?”

“This is Armin’s… yeah, uh, this one is mine.”

She pulled him inside and he shut the door behind himself.

* * *

 

After Mikasa buttoned her shirt, she ran down the stairs of the women’s barracks and turned the way toward the dining hall. For once in her life, she couldn’t keep the smile from her face. Eren loved her. He planned to marry her. He had given her everything just with this promise.

Down the hall, she saw Connie and Sasha walking toward her. She was about to hurry toward them but she was stopped with a hand on her arm.

“Levi—Captain,” Mikasa said, gazing over at him as she turned to face him.

He dropped his hand from her arm. “Mikasa. You’re late for breakfast.”

“Yes, sir.”

“I saw Eren leave the Women’s barracks.”

“Oh.”

“Why was he there?”

Mikasa took a deep breath. “He was returning my shirt.”

“Why did he have it?”

“He was re-sewing a button for me.”

Levi raised an eyebrow. “Yes, I noticed you holding the neck of your collar closed yesterday. Where is your scarf?”

“I… I think I must have left it at the ocean. I’m not sure.”

“It’s unlike you to forget something. Especially something so precious to you.”

“Mm.” Mikasa lay a hand on her neck where her scarf should have been. “I suppose I allowed myself to become distracted.”

“There is still work to be done. You can’t let yourself become distracted, even by Eren.”

“Yes, sir.”

He turned to walk toward the dining hall but when Mikasa didn’t move, he turned to face her again. “What is it?” he asked.

“Um…” Mikasa started.

Turning and facing her fully, he tilted his head slightly and waited.

“Eren asked me to marry him.”

Levi’s facial expression remained unchanged.

“We want to get married at the ocean in a few days at the next outing if we’re allowed. Will you allow it, Captain?” She took a small step toward Levi.

“We’ll see what Zackley says. I will comply with his orders.”

“Oh. Yes.” Mikasa bowed her head. “Thank you.”

Levi bowed his head to her in return and then said, “In fact, I will deliver Eren’s letter in person and I will argue that you should be allowed to marry. We need to focus on ocean reconnaissance right now. Your changed relationship with Eren blatant and therefore is a distraction, not only to Eren and to you, but to the rest of the squad.”

“I apologize.” Mikasa said, quickly bowing her head to him again.

He seemed to study her for a moment before he said, “Believe me, I understand the hold he has over you. I loved someone that much once, too... Do not allow yourself to use your feelings as an excuse.”

Mikasa gave Levi a small smile as he looked down to the stone walkway. She had always thought, though had never told anyone, that Levi had loved Erwin. She had always known she could feel these connections—the tie of love between two people—better than others could, and had often wondered if it was just her that could feel this or if it was part of being an Ackerman. To Mikasa’s heart, the connection between Levi and Erwin had felt like a thick cord of metal wire. Every time she had looked at Erwin, she had felt his connection to Levi deep inside her own chest. And now that Erwin had died, that cord had been snapped. “If I’m allowed to get married, will you give me away to Eren?”

Levi shut his eyes for a moment. When he opened his eyes again, he seemed to squint more than was necessary. “Yes. We are kinsmen in some way. It would be fitting.” 

“Thank you, Captain.”

“You’re welcome, Mikasa.”

Together, the Ackermans walked toward the dining hall.

* * *

 

Armin woke up in a panic. He was still holding Annie’s hand and it was clearly morning by how bright it was in the tent. He’d fallen asleep kneeling at the side of her cot, his head next to hers on her pillow. She was still asleep. How could he have allowed himself to be so lax? He pushed himself to his feet, and reluctantly, he let go of her hand.

“Good morning,” came Hange’s voice from behind him.

“Commander!” Armin jumped and turned to face her.

“You were sleeping so peacefully, I didn’t want to wake you,” Hange said and laughed loudly. She crossed her arms as she shook her head. “Armin, Armin… oh, Armin.”

“I’m sorry, Commander!”

“Commander? What happened to Erwin?” Annie said softly.

Hange ignored her. “So did you at least get some information from our prisoner while you snuggled with her? Or have you switched sides and joined the enemy?” Hange laughed again. “Perhaps you were always a spy?!”

Armin shook his head quickly. “We can trust Annie,” Armin said shakily. “She is on our side now.”

“Oh really? Would you want to tell your Captain that? You know—the one who lost his whole squad to her titan hand?!”

Armin only stared at Hange without responding.

“I didn’t think so,” Hange said, shaking her head.

“Commander… I have learned something from her, actually. Regarding her crystallization…”

“Oh? What is that?”

“Er—um, the Coordinate—was the one to crystallize her. She didn’t do it on her own.”

* * *

 

As soon as Connie shut the door, Sasha knelt before him and unbuttoned the top button of his trousers.

“Wait!” Connie exclaimed in a hush voice. “Do you really want to do this? I wasn’t trying to—”

“I just dragged you down the hall and you’re just now asking me that?” Sasha laughed as she pressed her hand against his still-zipped trousers. Connie grunted quietly as she grabbed him. She was pleased that he was already hard.

“I thought you were kidding!”

“Nope.” Sasha licked her top lip as she unzipped his trousers and pulled them down his legs. Then, she pulled his underwear down and his erection sprang forward. “You’re bigger than I thought you’d be, but that’s okay.”

“You prefer a certain size? You don’t go around giving all the guys blow jobs, do you?”

Grabbing him in one hand, she licked the tip of him. “Nu-uh.” And, after slowly swirling her tongue around his head, she pushed him into her mouth.

“Oh my God, Sasha!” Connie gently laid a hand on the top of her head as he tried to catch his balance.

“Mmm…” She had no idea that he’d taste this good... She sucked on his head as though she were trying to suck the juice from a wedge of an orange. As she moaned again, she closed her eyes.

“Let go for a second—it’s too much!”

She let her tongue drag along the ridge along the underside as she let him slide out of her mouth. “Sorry. You taste good!”

“Uhh. Thank you…”

“What does your come taste like?” She stared up at his face as she wondered if she was allowed yet to suck on him again.

Connie laughed nervously. “I don’t know.”

“You never tasted yourself?” She watched her own hand as she rubbed her thumb along the tip of his head and was surprised when his whole length jerked under her touch. Why did that happen?

“No! Why would I have tasted it?”

“You’ve never been curious?”

“No.”

“Well, I’ll tell you what it tastes like after you come. You can taste me sometime too if you want…”

“Uh—”

“Can I suck on you yet?”

Connie looked up at the ceiling. “Um, yeah, okay…”

Without hesitation, she took him into her mouth again. This time, she tried to be gentler. Laying a hand on each of his hips, she sucked on him the way she would suck on an icicle in winter. Slowly, she tried to wear him away as she swirled her tongue lightly around him.

“Oh fuck, Sasha…” Connie whispered. She glanced up to his face. He had his eyes closed and his chin was tilted back slightly. She was surprised by how powerful she felt suddenly. Somehow, seeing the look on his face almost felt the same as cutting the nape of a titan.

Did Connie _like_ her? She hadn’t thought this all through… Would this mean they were a couple now? She didn’t really want a boyfriend or anything. But Connie was her best friend… So maybe it would be nice to make him happy this way… while they still could… Yes, she decided, she would make him happy. And he could make her happy maybe, too.

Connie lay his hand on the side of her face, cupping her ear. She moved with his guidance and realized what he wanted. And so, she readily complied with his wordless request.

“Yeah,” Connie whispered. She bobbed her head over him, sucking and reveling in the salty taste that pinged in her mouth… she knew he must be close to coming... As she bobbed again and again, she sucked harder, pushing as much as she could of him into her mouth…

As he still held her face in one of his hands, he lay the other on the top of her head again to steady himself. “Ah, Sasha!” And he thrust quickly, seemingly unable to control himself, as he came. She held his hips tightly in both her hands as he pulsed into her mouth. Closing her eyes, she readily swallowed what he gave her. Once he seemed to have emptied himself, she licked the last of him off the tip of his head.

Immediately, he knelt and pulled her into his arms. She hugged him back. “I owe you,” he said laughing.

“Yeah… you still need to see what I taste like.”

Connie pulled away slightly and kissed Sasha’s cheek, surprising her. “Definitely. I can’t wait.”

“We should go see if Hange is looking for us, but maybe later tonight…” And, hesitating slightly, Sasha pressed her lips to Connie’s. He readily kissed her back.

 

 


	9. Permission

In the chair by Annie’s cot, Hange leaned forward with her elbows on her knees. “So Annie…”

Armin crossed his arms as Annie stared back at Hange. She was still tied down to her cot. “Yes, Commander?”

“I want you to tell me everything you know. Titans. History. Titan science. Crystallization. Marley and other places across the ocean. Everything you know.”

Annie craned her neck so she could look up at Armin. He made himself step forward so she could see him better. Wordlessly, he held her gaze as he nodded. Then, she pulled her gaze from Armin’s and looked back at Hange. “Alright.”

“‘Alright’?!”

Annie nodded.

Hange slapped her knees. “Ah! Wonderful! I thought I would have to torture you!”

“Don’t sound so disappointed, Commander,” Armin said quietly.

Hange looked sharply at Armin and laughed. “Armin! What did you say to Annie last night?! Why would she help us now?! I think I trust her even less than I already did and now I’m doubting you too!”

Annie seemed to consider this. She glanced at Armin again, who stared back at her with wide eyes, and then they both looked back to Hange. Armin said, “If she lies to you, or she does something to offend your trust…” Clenching his fists, he said fiercely, “I will consume Annie and then allow you or Eren, or anyone you choose, to consume me in turn! Torture me instead, if you want! I will submit to it! Please, trust us!”

Hange considered his words for a moment and then bowed her head once. “Alright. I will choose to believe you.” She turned to Annie again. “I’m listening Miss Leonhart.”

“Well, the first thing I should tell you…” Annie swallowed. “I’m sorry that Reiner and I killed Sonny and Bean. But you should know something about titans. They all start out as humans, just like you and me, before they become that way. People in Marley make Titans and send them here. And so, I told myself I was being merciful when I ended their lives, though that’s not why Reiner asked me to do it…”

* * *

 

“Where were you two?” Levi asked as Connie and Sasha jogged back out to the practice field. Mikasa, Jean, Floch and the fifteen recruits were all there already, milling around.

“We both, um, had to take a shit, sir!” Connie announced. A few of the recruits laughed at this.

Levi made a “tsk” sound. “Alright, well now that you’re done shitting, I want you both to lead the training for the recruits. Archery today. Break for lunch at noon.”

“Yes, sir,” Sasha said. The recruits, Sasha, and Connie headed out to an equipment shed and soon set up some archery targets. Levi watched this progression from where he stood. Meanwhile, Mikasa stood off on her own, staring at the mouth of Annie’s tent, which was probably a hundred paces away from her across the field. Jean and Floch were speaking quietly to one another outside of Mikasa’s earshot.

“Alright,” Levi said suddenly, turning away from the archery practice. “Mikasa, I give you leave to write your letter to Zackley. Come back here once you’re done. I hope to leave with it before dinner. I feel certain Eren will have delivered his to me by then too.”

“Yes sir,” Mikasa said, pulling her gaze from the tent. Then, she turned and walked back toward the barracks.

“Jean and Floch… Start by mopping the halls of the barracks, dining hall and kitchen. Meet me back here by midday.”

“Yes sir,” Jean said immediately.

Floch hesitated, said, “Yes, sir,” and then slowly followed Jean back toward the barracks as well.

* * *

 

Eren had slept fitfully for about four hours until he finally allowed himself to get out of bed again. Sleeping when the sun was shining brightly through his window was nearly impossible.

Though he had a headache and he was very hungry, he sat down to write his letter to Zackley. But what was he supposed to say? Was he supposed to convince Zackley that he loved Mikasa? Was he supposed to present some sort of benefit to the Survey Corps?

After several drafts, he decided simply to be honest but also to the point. As the ink dried, he pulled his uniform on again, and then rolled his letter up and hurried out to the practice field. He looked for Mikasa and immediately found her amongst Levi and the others. It looked like they were cleaning up training for the morning. He walked a few paced out toward them but then stopped and waited. They were walking as a group back toward headquarters.

When Levi reached Eren, he took the scrolled up paper from him. “Thank you. I hope it is written more eloquently than you speak.”

“Thank you, Captain.”

Levi gave a small nod. “You’re not supposed to relieve Armin anymore. Come to the dining hall instead for lunch.”

Eren bowed his head slightly as Levi walked away. Connie and Sasha both gave Eren a smile as they walked by with the recruits. Jean completely ignored him. And then Mikasa followed last amongst the group.

“Armin and Commander Hange are still in the tent with Annie,” Mikasa said.

“Right. Levi said I’m supposed to eat lunch now instead of relieve Armin.”

She gave him a polite smile and he made himself smile back. Why did he feel so shy around her all of a sudden? Eren watched her out of the corner of his eye as they walked toward the dining hall together. “I love you,” he whispered.

She looked quickly over at him. “I love you too.” She took her hand in his, squeezed it for a moment and, as they entered the dining hall, she let go.

* * *

 

“Well,” Hange said, leaning back in her chair. “That’s enough for me. I think we need to go have lunch.”

Armin was sitting on the grass in the tent. He’d been listening Annie speak for hours about Marley and Warriors and how titans are made… “Alright.” He watched now as Annie closed her eyes as though she were trying to fall back asleep.

“Armin, untie her,” Hange said.

Armin got to his feet and said, “Yes, Ma’am,” as he began searching for a knotted end to the ropes.

“Really?” Annie breathed.

“Yes, I’m going to have to bring you back to the dining hall. We’ll announce that you’re rejoining our ranks. Armin?” He felt Hange’s gaze on his back so he straightened up at turned to face her. “Despite falling asleep on the job, I am assigning you to keep a twenty-four hour watch on Annie until I say otherwise. She is not allowed to leave your sight. Understand?”

“Uh…” He glanced to Annie. She was staring at the roof of the tent. “Okay.”

“If she does anything amiss, you are to consume her. Got it?”

“Yes, Ma’am.”

Then, once Armin had untied Annie, he helped her to her feet. Hange walked ahead toward headquarters.

“I’m a bit dizzy… from looking sideways, I think,” Annie muttered as Armin held her arm.

“It might be because you haven’t walked in nearly a year.”

“Mm. Maybe.”

By the time they made it to the doorway of the dining hall, the room had fallen silent. Hange was standing next to Levi near the doorway to the kitchen.

Armin was surprised when Annie pulled her arm away from his grasp. She exchanged a small glance with him and then stared ahead at Hange.

Annie snapped to attention, curling her right arm up over her chest. She blinked tears from her eyes. “Please!” Armin glanced at Eren and Mikasa, who stared back at Annie, just like everyone else was. Armin was surprised that Eren didn’t look angry, only curious. Mikasa, however, looked like she was about to stand up. Her fists were clenched together on the table. Annie announced, “I pledge my heart to you! I beg of you! Let me die a soldier! The Female Titan must remain in Paradis!”

And to Armin’s surprise, Hange also raised her arm up over her chest, pledging her own heart. “I accept you back into our ranks, Annie Leonhart. Give us your heart!”

“Have a seat amongst your comrades, Annie Leonhart,” Levi said softly, though the whole hall heard him. She didn’t move.

Then, Mikasa did stand. As did Connie and Jean. Eren and Sasha stared at Annie but didn’t move.

“Please!” Annie said. “Allow me only to serve! I’m not worthy to sit amongst you!”

Hange paused for a moment, and exchanged a glance with Levi. Then she bowed her head for a moment. “Ah, well in that case, the kitchen is this way.” She pointed to the doorway.

Armin followed Annie through the doorway to the kitchen where a couple of recruits were still busy getting lunch together.

* * *

 

The next evening, Levi still hadn’t returned from visiting Zackley.

Eren knew he should be getting ready for bed but he was too busy pacing back and forth across his bedroom. Levi had left immediately after lunch yesterday. Why wasn’t he back yet?

His thoughts turned to Armin, who was assigned around-the-clock as guard for Annie. Eren knew he should volunteer to be her guard instead as he possessed the Coordinate… or at least to split the time with him. But Hange had made the choice. She just as easily could have assigned him. And anyway, he didn’t want to be around Annie. He still didn’t trust her. He didn’t know if he ever would again.

A knock sounded at Eren’s door. He was immediately nervous—he could tell who it was just by the sound. “Captain,” Eren breathed as he swung his door open. Levi held a hatbox by its strings in one hand and a scrolled paper in the other.

“Your answer.” Levi handed Eren the rolled up piece of paper.

“Thank you.”

“And… I bought a few things while I was inside wall Sina. Consider them wedding gifts from me.” Levi handed Eren the box. It was wrapped in brown paper and tied with butcher’s string. “Since you won’t be granted leave again before the weekend recon at the ocean, and since Mikasa asked me to walk her down the aisle, I thought it fitting—”

A wedding gift?! “He granted permission?!”

Levi stared for a moment before simply nodding once. A smile played at the corner of his mouth.

“Oh my God,” Eren whispered. A moment of fear shivered through him but then he was overcome with joy. Without thinking, he threw his arms around Levi. “Thank you Levi!”

Levi stood stiffly while he was hugged and belatedly, he patted Eren a few times on the back. “I wish you both happiness from my heart.”

Eren released him and nodded. “Thank you, sir.”

“You should give that box to Mikasa to open. Probably tomorrow at the latest.”

At the latest? Did that mean that today was still an option? “Yes, sir.”

Levi turned and slowly, he walked away. Once Levi quietly closed his own bedroom door behind himself, Eren glanced the other way down the hall and then hurried down past Levi’s room. He took the stairs two at a time up to the women’s barracks.

Knocking once at Mikasa’s door, he then swung it open without waiting for a response. Mikasa stood facing her bed in her shirt and panties. Clearly she was in the middle of getting ready for bed. Turning, she glanced down at the scroll and brown wrapped package in Eren’s hands and then stared at Eren as he quietly closed the door behind himself.

“Mikasa…” he started. She watched his face closely. This somehow helped him to relax a little. “Levi just came back—Zackley gave us permission.”

Eren watched as Mikasa’s cheeks became bright pink but otherwise her face didn’t change. Dropping down on the edge of her bed, she stared down at the floor for a moment. Finally, she glanced up at Eren again. “Really?”

“Yes.” He nodded as he sat down next to her. Handing her the box from Levi, he unfurled the paper from Zackley. It wasn’t a letter. Rather, it was an official looking document: a marriage license, already signed by Zackley. Levi signed on the line labelled “Witness.” There were two more blank lines on the document. One had “Eren Yeager” clearly written under it. The other had “Mikasa Ackerman.”

“I thought…” Eren tried to hide his surprise. Of course they would need a marriage license. He felt stupid for not having realized this sooner. “If we sign this…” He glanced over at Mikasa’s hands as she picked at the brown string tied around the box on her lap. “We’ll be legally married.” It was quiet for a moment as they both held very still. Then, he watched as she set the package next to herself on the bed and stood. Gently pulling the paper from Eren’s hands, she walked to her desk and pulled a pen out from the drawer. Bending gracefully, she signed her name on her line. And as she turned and faced Eren again, she wordlessly held the pen out to him.

He knew, even though he didn’t actually need to fight anyone, that if he bit his hand right now he’d turn into the Attack Titan.

Taking the pen, he took a small step forward and Mikasa sat down on the bed again. He watched his hand sign his name as though it belonged to another body.

Straightening up, he dropped the pen as he stared down at Mikasa’s signature. _Mikasa Ackerman._ She was Mikasa Yeager now that she signed that line. This would be the last time she signed her maiden name. “We’re married.”

“Thank you, Eren.”

Eren couldn’t help it when he laughed. He turned to face her. “I love you, Mikasa.”

“Mm. And I love you.”

As he sat down next to her on the bed again, he kissed the corner of her left eye where a tear was beginning to fall.

“What does it feel like when you’re married?” she whispered. “I don’t feel any differently.”

“It’ll feel different in a couple of days maybe. Once everyone knows.” He pressed a kiss to her lips.

“Mm.”

“Now that we have… well, the marriage license… I’ll ask Hange to do a sort of ceremony for us this weekend.”

“I asked Levi to walk me…”

“I know.”

“What is in this box? Is this from Zackley too?”

“Uh, no. It’s from Levi. He said it was a wedding present…”

Carefully, she began to unwrap the brown box. Lifting her heels up to balance the box on her knees, she slid the lid off. On top of a small stack inside the box, there were two gold wedding bands wrapped in a white strip of cloth. Mikasa gingerly unwrapped the rings and held them up to the nearest candlelight. They glinted as she handed the strip and rings to Eren, who examined in the candlelight too. They were plain, but clearly solid gold.

Mikasa stood and set the box down next to Eren on the bed. Underneath where the cloth had sat, a white veil was neatly wrapped around itself. And underneath this, it seemed there were some white clothes—a white dress? It was also neatly folded.

“Take them out,” Eren said, peering into the box. But Mikasa quickly slid the lid back on.

“You can’t see them. It’s bad luck.” She gently placed the box on her desk next to the marriage license. With her back still turned, Eren watched as she wiped her eyes.

“Bad luck?” Eren said, smirking. He stood up next to her. “Is it bad luck for me to be here with you right now?”

“That was very kind of Levi. I didn’t think he approved…”

“Mm. Yeah, but Levi is Levi.” Wrapping an arm around her, Eren pulled her back against himself. She let herself be pulled and he kissed her neck.

“Eren…”

He laughed softly. “Did you want to wait until it’s more official?”

She didn’t answer but she also didn’t pull away. Eren let his arm fall from her waist as he took a step back from her. She did want to wait, didn’t she? He was surprised but not offended. “It’s already Wednesday. We are supposed to go to the ocean again on Friday. I can wait another day and a half until we’re married… well, until everyone knows that we’re married.”

Mikasa smiled at him. “I’m not used to you being patient.”

“Only for you, Mikasa.” He couldn’t help but smile at her as she stared back at him with teary eyes. Again, he realized that Mikasa was so much more than what “wife” seemed to be to other people. She was him and he was her and neither was whole without the other.

Suddenly, Mikasa threw her arms around him and kissed him hard enough that he was thrown off balance. Luckily, he stumbled backward onto the bed instead of the floor.

 “Sorry,” she whispered as she began to unbutton his shirt. Oh right, she wasn’t wearing her trousers. Eren lost his tenuous hold on control and became as wild as her. His _wife_ wanted him… badly enough to knock him off his feet. He wasn’t about to stop her. Never again would they have to worry about anyone else’s rules in regards to the other. Their only rules between them would be the rules they set on themselves.

He returned her kisses hungrily, sucking her bottom lip when she pulled at his hair. She pushed him and so he rolled with her and suddenly found himself on top of her. Not wanting to pull a button off of her shirt again, he took a deep breath and unbuttoned each button carefully, staring down at her breasts as he slowly exposed them. Mikasa was shivering.

“Mikasa…” He leaned closer to her ear and kissed the skin just below her earlobe. “God, you’re mine! How could I ever be so lucky?!” He kissed her neck as she unbuckled his belt and unfastened his trousers.

“Yes and you are mine now, Eren.”

“Yes,” he said, shaking his head. He still didn’t want to burden her with himself. He’d die in a few years and she would be left without him. There was no way around it. But it was too late. They were as legally married as any other married couple in Paradis now. “Yes… I am yours…”

He pushed her hair away from her face and as he kneaded one of her breasts in his hand, he kissed her deeply. Then, he kissed her cheek, and then her neck, and down and down… he sucked on one of her nipples as he pushed her panties to the side and slid his finger into her.

“Please, Eren…” she whispered as he lay his face against her breasts. He was still busy rediscovering her with his fingers.

“Don’t rush it, Mikasa,” he scolded in a playful tone. He nuzzled his cheek against her breast. God, she smelled good!

She pulled her panties off one leg and then the other, forcing him to temporarily pause in playing with her. As she pulled them off, Eren leaned up so she would have more room. And because every candle in the room was lit, he couldn’t help it when he saw a full view of her.

“Oh fuck, Mikasa,” Eren said quietly.

“Eren,” she said, and started to pull her shirt closed.

“No, oh! Don’t…” He glanced up to her face and saw she was blushing. “Don’t be embarrassed!” He pressed a kiss against her lips. “I wish I could have been more patient the first times we did this, but I never stopped for long enough to really look at you. You have to know I love seeing you like this, don’t you? I could look at you forever! You’re perfect!”

She still looked embarrassed as she squeezed her eyes shut. “But, Eren,” she said again.

While her eyes were still closed, he leaned closer so he could whisper to her. “I went down on you before. You taste like honey down there. Can I do it again?”

Mikasa let out a nervous laugh. “That’s not true.”

“I want to taste you again.” Without waiting for her response, he slowly slid his chest against hers, letting his hands run down her thighs until he was sitting back on his shins again. Gently, he parted her thighs further apart as he looked down at her. Glancing up to her face, he realized she had opened her eyes again. He was surprised that she no longer seemed overcome with embarrassment. Rather, she was staring at his bare chest. She gazed over his shoulders, over his abdomen, down to his open trousers...

He remembered the first time he went down on her—during their first time together on the beach. And he’d done it to her again in the kitchen… She really _had_ tasted kind of sweet both times. He knew there was no way he would convince her of this so he stopped trying.  

As he let his gaze fall down her chest too, he realized they’d never let themselves have this much time even when they’d been at home for those two days. Laying together had felt wrong somehow until this moment. But now, there was no more need to hide, really.

Gently pulling her apart with his thumbs, he bent down and tasted her again.

“Oh. Eren, please…”

He knew what she wanted, but he wanted to make her come first.

“Please, Eren—” she begged again. Just hearing her say his name like that nearly made him come.

“Oh, Mikasa,” he moaned, resting his forehead on her thigh for a moment as he tried to calm himself. She reached down and ran her hand over his hair a few times. Instead of helping him calm down, this only turned him on more.

And without deciding to, he moved up her body again and pulled one of her nipples into his mouth as he thrust himself into her.

Mikasa tugged where her hands were still threaded into his hair. As he slowly pushed into her again, she pushed her own hips against his. And again, and again. He stayed just as painfully slowly as at the start.

Eren felt tears fall from his eyes but Mikasa’s small hand wiped them from his cheeks. She kissed him lovingly, and she ran her hands down his back as though comforting him even though tears brimmed her eyes too. There were so many things he wanted to say… that he loved her more than he could have ever imagined loving another person… he was so sorry he never realized his feelings until now when it was nearly too late… he was sorry he couldn’t be as perfect for her as she was for him…

But instead of speaking, he tried to tell her this with his touch. He cradled her and rubbed her and glided his fingers over her until her nipples made hardened peaks.

And as he clung to her, he felt her come hard around him. He kissed her deeply, slowly… and then he came hard into her, thrusting hard into her only a couple of times. He let himself fully empty into her before he dropped down onto the bed without pulling out of her. They held each other for a long time then. Eren couldn’t stop running his hands over Mikasa’s bare skin. Meanwhile, she nuzzled her face further into his shoulder and snuggled into him as though he were the only source of warmth or safety in the world.

A while later, after the bright glimmering of the candles had faded to a warm glow, he pulled the blankets and sheets up over her and himself, Mikasa quickly fell asleep with her head tucked into his shoulder. He stayed up for a little while longer, breathing in the scent of her hair, watching the candles snuff themselves out in their own wax, listening to owls complain in the night air, and soon he fell asleep too.


	10. Starting Something

Armin stood at the edge of his bed with his arms crossed over his naked chest. He’d grown so quickly over the past year that none of his pajamas actually fit him anymore. He hadn’t had time to buy new ones and the Corps-issued ones were too hot. And so, he’d gotten used to wearing only boxers to bed. When he explained this to Annie before he’d undressed, her only response was to shrug.

Annie was lying down on her side in Armin’s bed, propped up slightly on her elbow. She was wearing an over-sized Survey Corps-issued undershirt taken from one of the abandoned bedrooms. Despite the fact Armin’s room was lit only with moonlight, it wasn’t difficult to see the outline of her nipples through the thin material.

“Really, we should just sleep in one of the open barracks down the hall. You know, where the 104th recruits used to sleep before… well…,” Armin said.

“Before retaking Shiganshina,” Annie finished for him.

Armin nodded. “We could each have our own bed and still be in the same room there.”

Annie scooted so she was sitting up. As she stared down at her hands in her lap, she said, “We will want more privacy than that.”

“What?” He was annoyed that his voice was shaky.

When Annie looked up at him then, he actually was afraid of her. Her gaze raked over him, taking in his arms, his chest, his abdomen, down his legs… he wondered what she thought of him. Did she think he looked like a man, or still a boy?

She pushed herself up so she was sitting on her knees as she reached for his hand. “Please, come here Armin.”

He let her tug his arm and finally, she pulled him into his bed.

* * *

 

Wrapped in a towel, Sasha padded her way slowly from the women’s bathroom toward her bedroom. Though the sound was muffled, she couldn’t help but hear Eren moan from inside Mikasa’s room. Despite rolling her eyes as she passed their door, Sasha’s only thought was that she was happy that they were happy.

She swung her own bedroom door open. “Ah! Con—” Sasha started to shout. Connie lunged toward her and slapped his hand over her mouth.

“Shh!” He quickly dropped his hand as she stumbled back from his force. The door slammed shut behind her.

“Did anyone see you come up here?” she whispered.

Connie backpedaled a few steps. “Commander Hange stopped me on the stairs but I acted like I was lost. I think she believed me.”

“Oh.” Sasha walked to her dresser and pulled the top drawer open. “Um, do you sort of feel like Eren and Mikasa _started_ something? In the squad, I mean?”

“Huh?”

“Like… um, love-wise…”

“I think—we’re just not kids anymore. And we all risk death a lot together, so we all trust each other. We were all bound to start… you know… getting interested…” Connie ambled to Sasha’s bed as he spoke and sat down. “Oh! I know what you’re getting at. You heard about Armin holding Annie’s hand?”

“What? No.” She thought it’d be obvious that she was talking about him and herself. But of course, this was Connie… “What are you talking about?”

“I overheard Hange and Levi talking this afternoon. Hange thinks that Armin somehow coerced Annie into switching sides. I guess she found them sleeping with their heads close together and holding hands… Levi mentioned that Armin could really be a warrior-spy like Annie and Bertholdt and Reiner were, but Hange said that it’s impossible because Eren and Mikasa can vouch for his childhood and everything. And there’s no way that Eren and Mikasa are warriors, obviously.”

“Wow. Yeah. There’s no way that Armin could be a warrior.” Sasha turned away from her dresser and faced Connie. She watched as he leaned back onto the palms of his hands.

“Right. Hange thinks that by keeping Armin and Annie together all the time, Annie will show her true colors and try to kill Armin soon, in which case Hange thinks Armin will have the guts to kill Annie.”

“I doubt he would—”

“Well, he was the one who turned her in when all the shit hit the fan with Trost.”

“Oh, that’s right! Does Annie know that it was his fault that we figured her out?”

Connie shrugged. “She must. I’m not going to be the one to ask her though.”

“Yeah, me either.”

“Anyway, if she actually _has_ forgiven Armin and _is_ actually on our side—and Hange said she thinks this one is more likely—Annie will end up pregnant before long. And then she’ll have proven herself to definitely be our ally.”

Sasha laughed nervously. “Armin and Annie… _together_? I cannot imagine Armin sleeping with a girl. I still am not convinced he even likes girls—”

“Armin is definitely straight. Don’t you remember how he wanted to fuck Historia when she was still Krista?”

“That doesn’t prove anything. Who doesn’t want to fuck Historia?”

Connie raised one of his curving eyebrows and said nothing to this.

“Are you imagining me and your _queen_ in bed together now?”

“Um… no. No, of course not.” But then he sniggered.

Sasha quickly turned back to her underwear drawer again to hide the fact that she was trying not to laugh too.

“You know Eren and Mikasa are going to get married this weekend?” Connie said to her back. “That’s the other thing I heard.”

“This weekend?!” Sasha glanced over her shoulder and raised her eyebrows in surprise.

Connie nodded. “I think she might be pregnant, speaking of girls getting pregnant.”

“I don’t think so. Hange gave me a shot during my last physical. I bet Mikasa got one too. Hange said our medicine supply is way overstocked because of…”

“Oh. Right. Shiganshina,” Connie said quickly. “Anyway, I guess Levi saw Eren and Mikasa fucking or something so they were formally reprimanded.”

“Oh. As formally as Hange does anything though, I’m sure.” Sasha looked back to her panties.

“Ha! Yeah.”

It was quiet between them for a moment. Sasha realized that, in order to get dressed for bed, she’d have to drop her towel in front of Connie. He’d seen her pee in the woods before, he’d seen her sweat to the point of dehydration, he’d seen her near death so many times… he’d even seen her on her knees before him… so why was she so afraid to let him see her naked? She clutched the towel tighter where it was tucked around her breasts.

Was Connie here to take her up on her offer from yesterday morning? A taste for a taste? What had gotten into her that morning?

But then, when she recalled going down on him, she couldn’t help it when her heart beat a little faster... She really had enjoyed that.

Taking a deep, steadying breath, she shut the drawer and turned to face Connie again. He smiled at her. She tried to make herself smile back as she slowly untucked the top of her towel. And then she watched Connie’s gaze fall to her hands as she opened her towel, revealing her body as though she were unwrapping a present for him.

He made an unmistakable gasp as he sat up straighter. Sasha tried not to shiver. She felt her nipples harden in the cold room. “Was that a good gasp or a bad one?” Should she wrap the towel around herself again? Did he not like what she looked like? Maybe he really was here just to talk and now she was the one being forward _again_ …

Connie stood up and took a small step so he stood before her. As he started to lean toward her to kiss her, Sasha was immediately relieved—if he was going to kiss her, then probably it had been a good gasp. But he hesitated for a moment and she was immediately nervous again. “Do I make you happy, Sasha?” he asked.

It was silent while he waited for a response. She was so taken by surprise by his question that she didn’t know what to say. She’d never considered that he might not realize how happy he made her. She couldn’t imagine her life without him. Yes, they might not be passionately in love the way Eren and Mikasa clearly were now… but she realized she really did _want_ him. She was about to explain this when he spoke again.

“You don’t have to do this, you know,” he explained. “I’ll like you anyway. I probably shouldn’t have—I just thought… you said before, I mean, I didn’t want to keep you waiting. Maybe I wasn’t being fair—”

Sasha felt tears suddenly prick in her eyes. Dropping her towel to the floor, she wrapped her arms around him and kissed him hard.

“Mmm!”

And as he cupped her bottom and lifted her up, she wrapped her legs around him and giggled. He turned and sat her down on her bed.

* * *

 

He’d never lay with a girl in his bed before. Well, had he slept in a bed with Mikasa? She definitely didn’t count…

Armin wasn’t sure why he was trembling. He wasn’t cold.

Maybe it was because he had a hard-on and couldn’t do anything about it at all, short of sneaking off to the bathroom. But surely Annie would have to come with him? He couldn’t leave her alone, after all.

What was it about lying in bed next to Annie that made his brain feel so incredibly slow?

She was lying on her side and facing him. He could feel her looking at him and he was trying hard not to look back at her. The only light in the room was still only the hazy moonlight cutting between the drapes. Even with this low light, he could tell from the corner of his eye that she had one hand tucked under her cheek. He didn’t know where exactly her other hand was, though it was clearly somewhere under the sheets…

When he’d kissed her before in the tent, he’d done it recklessly… thoughtlessly... Now though, he knew it was wrong for him to initiate any sort of intimacy with her. He had to spend every moment with her, and she with him… as his, what? Prisoner? What if she grew tired of him? He didn’t want to take advantage of her.  

Armin flinched when Annie’s hand moved under the covers. He forced himself to keep staring up at the ceiling as she moved. And then, Annie was touching him. She’d reached out and ran her hand from the middle of his abs and up toward the small tuft of hair over his heart.

“That tickles,” Armin whispered.

“I’m surprised you have chest hair.”

“Mm.” Ten different responses to this ran through Armin’s head then (“Well, I’m a man”, “I’m not twelve anymore”, “Do you like that I have that?”, “Why are you touching me?”, “Please don’t stop touching me”…) but he decided against them all.

“I like it.”

“I… I’m glad.”

Resting her arm on his chest, her hand trailed in lazy loops over his skin. Slowly, she ran her fingertip around the edge of his nipple that was further from her. Armin shut his eyes tightly but couldn’t make himself think about anything else other than the feel of her touch.

But then the weight of her arm on his chest lifted. He was simultaneously disappointed and relieved, but for only a moment… Annie trailed her hand further up his chest, up the side of his neck and then her fingertip trailed over the edge of his jaw.

A thought fell from his lips without him deciding to speak. “Are you trying to torture me?”

“Maybe.”

“I hope you’re at least enjoying yourself.”

“Oh, I am.” And with that, she pushed the tip of her first finger into Armin’s mouth. He didn’t know why she did it. Was this something people did? And, he had no idea why his first reaction was to suck on her finger, but without a thought, he let his hands hold her hand as he pulled the rest of her finger into his mouth. Closing his eyes again, he sucked on her finger and listened as Annie breathed a little harder.

* * *

 

Sasha was sitting on the edge of her bed and was leaning back on her hands, just as Connie had been. But her knees were propped up on Connie’s shoulders. And Connie’s face was buried down where Sasha couldn’t see from this angle.

“Oh Connie,” she whispered. Her arms collapsed and she was laying down on the bed.

“Am I doing it right?” His breath tickled her as he spoke. “I… I haven’t done it before. I don’t know what to do. At least, not really.”

“Mmm… yes you _do_ know,” was Sasha’s only response. She wanted to tell him not to stop but she was afraid of being too demanding. In any case, deep inside her belly, he was making her feel things that she hadn’t known were possible.

Connie pushed her thighs further apart so her feet were in the air instead of resting on the back of his neck. Sasha grabbed fistfuls of the quilt underneath herself and tried not to shout out. And as Connie slid his finger into her—something else she’d never experienced—she couldn’t help but moan loudly. She wondered if Eren and Mikasa heard her and then realized that she didn’t care.

 “Oh my God,” Sasha whispered as Connie pushed his finger, and then two, in and out of her in a punishing sort of rhythm… and then he started sucking on a spot—and then there was an explosion of heat and pleasure, deep inside her crashing over and over inside her, like ocean waves. “Connie,” she whined.

As the waves faded away, Connie sat back on his heels. Sasha knew he was staring at her, gazing at her spread-open legs, but she didn’t care if he saw her anymore. She felt like she was floating on a cloud, in total bliss.

“So I guess I did okay?” Connie asked quietly. “My hand is soaking wet… I guess that’s a good thing?”

“Mm hmm.” Reaching down, Sasha pulled his wet hand and so he got up and lay down on the bed next to her. As she pulled him into a hug, she felt something hard pushing against her thigh. Of course, she realized, he was hard. “Oh, I’m sorry…”

“What?”

“I need to make you as happy as you just made me.” Sasha rubbed her hand against him through the material of his trousers.

“You don’t have to…”

“But I’m hungry,” she said, laughing and shaking her head. He looked into her eyes and laughed with her. “Please?”

“Okay. But only because you asked nicely.” 

She gave a quick peck to his cheek before she scooted down and unfastened his trousers…

* * *

 

Annie trailed her wet finger down Armin’s chin, down his chest, his abs… absently, she pushed the blankets off of him. Sitting up, she arched her leg over his legs and sat down on his thighs. Armin had wondered if she was wearing any underwear and now knew she definitely wasn’t.

The moonlight created a thick streak of silvery-white over her and so she seemed to be pale white. As she pulled her shirt up over her head and dropped it to the floor by the bed, Armin wondered if he was allowed to touch her. He wondered if there was a way to stop her now without hurting her feelings but he doubted it. Anyway, the last thing he wanted was for her to stop…

He stared up at her as she grabbed her breasts in each of her hands. She gazed down at him as she trailed her fingertips down over her breasts and then she gave herself a gentle squeeze. “Armin why aren’t you touching me? Don’t be afraid.”

“I shouldn’t—”

“But I want you to. And I know you want to.”

Hesitantly, Armin’s hands trailed their way up her thighs as she teased her nipples into peaks. “Armin…” She closed her eyes and tilted her chin back a bit.

“Mm.” He rubbed her thighs gently as he gazed up at her. He never imagined that she would ever say his name that way… it was an amazing, unbelievable sound.  

“I’m yours now. Please… I want you to trust me.”

“I trust you, Annie.”

“Do you forgive me?”

“Yes,” he whispered. “Do you forgive me?”

“Always,” she whispered back. “If you want me, you can have me. However you want.”

“Oh, Annie.” Armin squeezed his eyes shut. “You don’t have to prove anything to me. We really shouldn’t do this.”

“Armin… why are you so afraid of me?”

“I don’t want to take advantage of my position over you.”

“I am the one in a position over _you_ right now.” She smiled coyly. Armin watched her breasts strain against her hands as she took a deep breath. “Can I take advantage of my position over you?”

“Um—”

But then Annie was pulling his boxers down his legs. He had no will to stop her. He watched with wide eyes as she scooted up onto his hips so his erection was hidden underneath her. “Please Armin?” she whispered, laying her hands on his chest, effectively holding him down. “Give yourself to me. I missed the past year of my life… but I’m still alive… I want to be with you…” She grinded her hips against his. He thought it wasn’t impossible that he’d just slide into her like this, just accidentally… She leaned down and lay her head on his chest. Her breasts were so soft…

“Yes, yes… how could I say ‘no’ to you?” Armin whispered into her hair. He kissed her forehead as she looked up, blue eyes into blue eyes.

And with that, she pushed herself up and lifted her hips a bit. Resting her hand over his tuft of chest hair, she pushed her hips down against his again, but this time, he pushed himself _into_ her instead of against her…

The feel of burying himself inside of her was better than the feel of sand between his toes. Better than fire in his hands. Better than the first sight of the deep blue ocean. He lifted his chin and squeezed his eyes shut, pressing tears away.

But then, after that first moment of bliss, he was completely consumed with guilt. He knew now that he had begrudged Eren of his feelings for Mikasa, but instead of being honest, he’d disguised it as worry for Mikasa’s name and virtue... He shouldn’t be doing this. Annie was just messed up in the head—she didn’t really want to do this either. And anyway, what if she got pregnant?

As Annie pulled away from him and pressed down onto him again, she cried out quietly, clearly trying to hide her discomfort. He tried to fight his tears but he couldn’t stop them.

She seemed to realize he was upset because she lifted his hands from her thighs and instead held them in her own hands, palm to palm. “Everything’s going to be alright,” she breathed. “Stop thinking so much.”

Armin only shook his head. He hated himself for crying right now. Annie leaned back down onto him, lifting his hands over his head as she pressed her chest against his. Now, their palms, wrists, forearms, and elbows all were touching as though in a mirror image. And holding him down, she rocked down onto him again as she kissed him gently.

“Live in this moment with me,” she whispered against his lips, laying her forehead against his. “It’s all we have. Stop feeling guilty. Just make love to me. That’s all you’re allowed to do right now.”

“Yes… yes, Annie,” Armin said, and tilting his chin up, he kissed her. He so wanted to believe her that he allowed his thoughts to fade to a conflicted sort of buzzy in his ears… He forced himself to do as she said. All he could feel and think and see and taste was Annie.

As she slowly lifted her hips again, he pulled back as much as he could. Then, he lifted himself to meet her as she pushed down onto him once more.

“Yes,” she whispered, “Oh, Armin.” As she sat up again, he raised his hands up to steady her. Together, they found a slow, steady rhythm. He stared up at her—he didn’t want to miss a moment of feeling connected with her this way.

She gazed down at him through her eyelashes and half-smiled as she quickened their pace slightly. It was quiet in the room then except for the soft, quick sounds of their breathing. Neither would look away from the other.

Armin knew he’d come soon. As though she read his mind, she nodded quickly, holding his gaze. And they clasped each other’s hands a little tighter, he let a gruff moan escape his lips as he emptied himself into her. Annie tilted her chin up and closed her eyes, breaking their eye contact. The rose of her cheeks and lips blazed in the white of the moonlight, as she smiled.

“Armin,” she whispered. “Armin…” She lay down on him, resting her head on his shoulder, and she kissed his cheek. “You are beautiful.”

He kissed her deeply. “Mm, you are perfect, Annie.”


	11. The Commander's Office at Two A.M.

“Ah! Levi, you scared me!” Hange had been bent over her journal, writing notes and thoughts after her conversations with Annie that day and the day before. “I didn’t realize you were back…” Hange looked back down at her scribbles. “You should really get to bed. We are leaving at dawn for—”

“I already slept,” Levi said softly, walking slowly over the threshold of Hange’s office. He leaned back against the wall nearby her chair and crossed his arms.

“Oh! It’s later than I thought—”

“I think I only slept an hour this time.”

Hange glanced up over her shoulder at him and then back down to her notes. With a sigh, she shut her journal and turned to face him, curling one of her legs up under her as she turned. “Levi, you should try that sleeping medicine again, maybe? I don’t know how you can operate without a little more sleep…”

He stared at her from the corner of his eyes. “The nightmares robbed me of sleep for two days after the first try with that stuff. No.”

“Fine.” Hange shrugged. It was silent between them for a moment as they gazed at each other. There were a bunch of things that Hange needed to talk to Levi about—she hadn’t been able to talk to him for the past day and a half because of his trip to Wall Sina. Now she didn’t even have to wait until morning. “Well, this isn’t comfortable. Let’s go sit down on the couch.” She popped up from her chair and strode across Erwin’s old office toward an old leather couch. Levi belatedly followed her and sat at the other end.

She leaned back and crossed her ankles. Ugh, she was much more tired than she had realized… Maybe this couch was just too comfortable… “So a few things,” she started, lifting her glasses to her forehead and rubbing her eyes. “Our newbies need squads. I wanted to see what you thought before I assigned them tomorrow.” Levi said nothing as Hange leaned her head back on the cushion of the couch and slouched down a bit. She was used to him not always responding, so she continued. “Right. I want to go with small units of about five soldiers each like we used to. You can’t have your star squad anymore. At least, not until we get more recruits again and built up our numbers some more.” Now, she did wait for him to respond. It took a minute, but he did eventually speak.

“Of course. I assumed as much.”

“I want to give you the worst five recruits based off of training rank.” She still wasn’t sure about this decision and had meant to make it more of a question but Levi responded immediately.

“Fine.”

No hesitation at all. So typical. Hange tried again. “Do you think I should spread them out amongst the other groups? I’m not trying to punish you or anything. It’s just that I know you can handle it.”

“No. I’ll take them.”

“You can whip them into shape,” Hange said, winking with a blurry glance to Levi before closing her eyes again. “So new squad leaders… Jean, of course. He already has some experience with leading during all the shit with Trost. He’ll get Floch and the next four newbies that are a notch above your five worst, based on rank again.”

“Mm.”

“Mikasa. She’ll have Eren, Armin, Annie, the best two newbies.”

“Hmm… that seems unfair.”

“You think that squad shouldn’t have any recruits, don’t you?”

“No. I was actually wondering if Mikasa is the best choice to lead the new special unit.”

“Oh! You’re jealous?! You know, I didn’t realize—I did make her sort of replace you with this decision, didn’t I? Don’t worry, she’s not taking your place.” Hange sat up straighter. “She won’t work as well if she’s parted from Eren… especially now that they’ll be married—”

“But she’ll abandon all else for Eren. Even Armin, probably. It’s not a quality of a good leader.”

“Eh,” Hange shrugged. “You would have done the same for Erwin though.”

“But he was the Commander.”

“So you would you do the same for me?” Hange laughed.

“Of course,” Levi said at once.

Hange smirked at him and shook her head in denial. “Mikasa is the only firm decision I’ve made. Don’t pretend—I know you understand their relationships better than I even do. You told me years ago that you felt a strange bond between her and Eren, just like you had the one with Erwin.”

“I know…”

“So, she’ll be Eren and Armin’s squad leader.”

“Are you sure you wouldn’t rather have Armin separate from Eren?”

“I thought about it. Armin may end up spending more time with me, really… but officially, he’ll operate with Mikasa’s unit unless I say otherwise.”

“Ah. Yes. Understood.”

“And then Connie or Sasha? Which one is better? That will be the last squad leader with the remaining four recruits.”

“Sasha is resourceful, and therefore she is good at thinking of creative solutions to problems while under fire. However, Connie actually is better at combat despite his stupidity. He is also better at working together with his comrades, generally speaking.”

“So which?”

Levi stared at Hange for a moment. “Sasha.”

“Sasha then. Connie will obviously be her second. Eren second, Floch second, and… you can choose your own second…”

“Thank you,” Levi said. He leaned back against the couch and crossed his leg so his ankle rested on the opposite knee. “Which idiot shall I choose…?”

“So, next on the agenda—”

“Oh, there’s more.” Levi closed his eyes.

“Oh, Levi! You want to sleep on this couch? It’s very comfy. I’ll go back to my journal if you want to talk in the morning.”

“No, what is it?” Levi opened his eyes a fraction and stared over at Hange.

“Did you talk to Zackley while you were—”

“Yes, Ma’am. He was all go for the construction of an ocean station. He gave his word that a top squad from the Garrison would construct it with us and perhaps even man it as well, if you deem it necessary.”

“Good.” Hange folded her hands behind her head as she let her eyes fall closed again. She could feel Levi staring at her. “I want to have Mikasa’s Squad stationed at the ocean at all times with a second squad in rotation for messages and assistance. The ocean station will be tasked with reconnaissance, as well as destruction of all enemies who arrive at our shores... the ships that Annie mentioned… any mindless titans…”

“Yes, Ma’am. It would be reasonable.”

“This should prevent any mindless titans from stepping foot near the walls again.” Hange finally pulled her glassed down from her forehead and her vision came sharply into focus again. “At least, that’s the hope.”

“Understood.”

“Alright, what is it?” Hange said suddenly, leaning toward Levi. “Do I really stink that bad? I can tell you’re thinking it!”

“Yes, you reek. You smell like ass, Hange.”

“You try being Commander for a while! There’s no time for anything!”

“A likely excuse.” Levi stood up and pulled Hange by her wrist. “Come on. No one will notice us. Annie is too busy fucking with Armin, and Eren is in Mikasa’s bed…”

“Oh! And you know, I am pretty sure I caught Connie sneaking to Sasha’s room.”

“Tsk. I am irritated that I missed that one.”

“It makes me think about the days before…” Hange was going to say “before Erwin was Commander,” but she stopped herself. She didn’t want to bring Levi down when he was in such an apparently good mood.

“You mean back when we were all fucking like rabbits before Erwin was Commander?” he said, smirking from the corner of his mouth as he led her away from the couch.

“Mm,” Hange agreed quietly.

He led her by her wrist to an adjoining bathroom and clicked the door shut behind himself.  “Alright, first things first.” He grabbed his shirt by the back of the neck and pulled it over his head and then handed it to her. Then, he started pumping the hand pump on the tub. Hange watched his muscles on his back as he did it and slowly, she reached out and ran her fingertips down his back. Moblit drifted through her mind then—only for a moment. Moblit had never been as muscular as Levi… but he’d been beautiful in a different way, the way a messy cottage is beautiful. To Hange, Levi looked more like he belonged in a royal palace…  

“That tickles,” Levi said, his voice nearly drowned out by the pumping water.

Hange shut off all thoughts of Moblit from her mind. She needed this time with Levi, whatever it was. They both needed each other. On these nights over the past few months, they let each other forget everything for a while. In fact, she had purposefully put off bathing just to give Levi the excuse.

Soon enough, the tub was full. “Hmm,” he said, turning to face Hange again. “Take those shitty glasses off for a minute. I want to see your face without them.” Hange did as she was told and handed them to Levi. He set them gently down on a windowsill nearby.  “Now strip those dirty clothes off.” He crossed his arms over his chest as he narrowed his eyes at her.

Hange squinted, trying to see him better. “Yes, sir,” she laughed. Slowly, she pulled her shirt at its hem and up and over her head. Then she let it drop to the floor. “I’m very dirty, Levi. I’m so sorry,” she said and laughed again. She could tell he was smirking even though her vision was blurry.

“Here,” he said, handing her glasses back to her. “Put those shitty glasses back on. I’m tired of you squinting at me like an old woman.”

“Yes, sir,” she said, smiling. Then, after she pushed her glassed back on, she pulled one boot off, then the other, her socks, she unbuckled her belt and pulled her trousers down. Then, she pulled her panties off. And slowly, she yanked her hair tie out of her hair. Except for her glasses, she was naked.

“Those breasts of yours are so small,” Levi said, blinking slowly as he gazed at her chest. “With all those abs of yours, you could almost be mistaken for a man.”

“Mmm, Levi, you’re so short and pretty, if you grew your hair longer, I might mistake you for a woman,” Hange said and giggled. 

“Tsk. Get in the tub, Commander. Or do I need to spank you like last time?”

“Leeevi,” Hange whined, “Oh, I don’t want to get in! The water’s too cold!”

Levi grimaced a bit. Hange was practically gleeful at how good Levi was at acting… “Bend over, Commander. You’ve been a very bad soldier. You need to keep yourself cleaner than this.”

“I’m sorry, Captain!” Hange whined. She bent over and held onto the edge of the tub.

“Ready?” Levi whispered.

Hange nodded quickly and scrunched her eyes shut. _Smack!_ Levi struck her bottom.

“Did you learn your lesson?” he asked quietly.

“Uh-uh! What lesson?!” Hange said stupidly. She felt all the warmth rise from her body and settle into her face and bottom. God, why did it feel so good for Levi to spank her? She never did this with… anyone else… before. She wondered if Levi had ever done this with Erwin. …There was no way she’d ever ask.

_Smack!_ He spanked her a second time. And a third time. And then, he rubbed her bottom in slow, soft circles. “Sorry, I left a handprint,” he said in a tight voice. Hange knew now that he was just as turned on as she was. Slowly, he slipped a finger into her and back out. “Oh, you’re so wet, Hange. You’re such a bad girl.”

“I apologize, sir,” she said softly. She arched her back as he pushed a second finger into her and slowly pulled his fingers out.

“Get in the tub, you filthy thing.”

Again, Hange did as she was told. The water was cold, as she expected. Her nipples were so hard, they felt like they were ready to cut glass. She whined, “Oh, Levi, won’t you get in with me? It’s so _cold_. Please, warm me up?!”

Levi half-smirked at her and then pulled his ascot so it unfurled from his neck.

“Why is it so damned sexy when you take that stupid thing off?” Hange blurted out.

“You’re one to talk, Shitty Glasses. You look like a schoolmarm with those things on.” He made quick work with the rest of his clothes as Hange watched.

“You look like a chiseled statue,” she said and giggled. “You’d make a great model for an anatomy class.”

“Thank you,” Levi said with only a hint of sarcasm in his voice. Ws he sat down in the water behind Hange, he pulled a sharp breath in through his teeth. Immediately, he set to work with washing her hair. Hange took her glasses off again and, tilting her head back, she shut her eyes.

“Mmmm… that feels so nice.”

Levi gently poured some bath water down her hair with a cup a few times. “This is a much better scent on you.”

“Mm, hmmm. I agreeee…” 

Levi washed her body, working his way down, scrubbing under her arms… between her legs... Until… “Lean up and kneel, woman.”

“Yes, Levi,” she said, more sweetly than she’d meant to.

“Hold onto the edge of the tub,” he said gruffly.

Hange did what she was told without another word. She closed her eyes as Levi soaped her bottom, washed the soap off, and then slipped a finger into her again.

“Now, how to clean this?” he asked. She could hear his smirk in his voice.

“Umm… the way you cleaned it last week seemed to work pretty well,” Hange said in serious tone.

“Ah, it’s been a week since you washed yourself? Tsk, tsk.”

“You should wash me more often.” She felt Levi push the tip of himself in and then he pulled out again. Without warning, _SMACK._

“Oh!” Hange exclaimed, startled. It didn’t hurt, but she hadn’t expected to be spanked again.

“Is it part of my duties to assure you bathe properly, Commander?”

Hange shivered. “I suppose so.”

He pushed his tip into her again and pulled out. “Do you have a good hold, Hange?” he whispered.

“Yes,” she said breathlessly. She knew what was coming…

And then, he pushed into her, hard.

* * *

 

Eren woke up in Mikasa’s bed with Mikasa in his arms. What had woke him? Mikasa was still sleeping soundly.

And he realized in an instant what had woken him up. The door to the bedroom was open a crack. Eren took a sharp breath in—someone was in the room.

Jean. It was Jean. Eren’s heart immediately slowed. But then…

_What the fuck was Jean doing in Mikasa’s bedroom in the middle of the night?_

Eren watched as Jean leaned over at the foot of the bed and gently laid something down on it. Then, he turned away and tiptoed to the door. Opening the door only a crack further, he shouldered his way back out into the hall and silently closed the door behind himself.

As gently as possible, Eren disentangled himself from Mikasa’s hold on him, climbed out of bed and, pulling his trousers on haphazardly, he hurried into the hall. Rather than make a bunch of noise and wake everyone by calling after Jean, he ran down the hall instead. Quickly catching up, he grabbed Jean’s shoulder just before he started down the steps, effectively turning him around.

“What the hell, Jean?!” Eren yelled in a whiper.

“What? I, uhh… I didn’t know you were in there,” Jean whispered, looking down at Eren with wide eyes. “What were you doing in her room? It’s against—”

“What were _you_ doing in her room?”

Jean only stared at Eren for a moment before he slowly shook his head. “I…” When Jean swallowed, his mouth made a sound as though it was sticky from its dryness. Then, he squared his shoulders so he faced Eren fully. “I had Mikasa’s scarf. I wanted to return it. Don’t tell her I had it, please. It’s not as though she gave it to me. I, um, found it.”

Eren felt his mouth fall open.

“I know you two are getting married. Armin told me. I thought Mikasa would probably want her scarf back for her wedding. I know how… how much she likes it. After all, you gave it to her, right?”

Eren continued to stare. He wasn’t sure if he should be angry or just confused.

“Please, Eren, listen.” Jean said, and swallowed hard again. “I know I sound like an ass.”

“And yet you speak anyway—”

Jean ignored him. “I’d never say any of this to her… I’m not trying to… I don’t know...”

“What?” Eren asked flatly.

“You need to realize how special she is. Don’t take her for granted, alright?” Eren had almost decided to yell at Jean, but instead he stayed quiet as Jean continued. “Just—don’t let her kill herself for you, okay? You should be the one who dies for her, alright?” He grimaced, making him look even more like a horse than he normally did as tears brimmed his eyes. “That’s really all I wanted to say I guess.”

Eren stared for a moment longer. Then, taking a deep breath, he shook his head. “I’ll love her until I die. I wouldn’t let her die.” He stared back up at Jean wondering what else there was to even say. “I love her,” he said softly.

“You better hope that’s enough then,” Jean said harshly. Abruptly, he turned and jogged down the steps.

 

When Eren crawled back into Mikasa’s bed, he was surprised to realize that Mikasa was awake.

 “I woke up and you were gone,” she whispered. Reaching toward him, she ran her hand up and down his bare chest.

“Sorry. I found your scarf. It was under the bed.” He had no idea why he lied.

“Oh really? I’d just cleaned under there… Strange…” She snuggled up next to him, quickly warming him after the drafty hallway.

“Mm.” He was tempted to tell her the truth about the scarf but she was already falling back to sleep.

Eren shut his eyes and tried to clear his mind and eventually, he fell back to sleep too.

 

 


	12. Every Second of Every Minute was a Blessed Eternity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Wedding! Thank you for reading! This is the last chapter!

Armin stood from his bed and pulled on a pair of boxers and then a pair of trousers. He pulled them each on slowly as he thought about what the day would hold.  

Mikasa and Eren were going to get married today. Where did that leave him? Would Eren finally take Mikasa along with him now when he went off doing whatever he did? Where did that leave Armin?

He should be happier for them. As he bent to pick his shirt up from where it lay on the back of a chair, Armin shook his head a fraction. Why did the thought of Eren and Mikasa married make his heart feel like it had splintered?

“I want to have your child,” Annie said. She was laying in Armin’s bed, watching him dress in the weak early light of morning. There was no mistaking her words.

He honestly wasn’t surprised by what she said. The thoughts had flitted through his mind the previous evening: there had to be some way to prove her new allegiance after all. A marriage, a child, a murder, her own death… Clearly she realized the same possibilities. However, he could tell by the way she said it that she had expected, at least somewhat, to shock him.

He pulled his sleeve onto his right arm without turning toward her. Then he pulled the left sleeve on. She was being very patient… Why would she say something like that _now_ —this morning, before his two best friends married each other today? Was she serious? And if she was serious, was it only to somehow prove loyalty to the Survey Corps or was it for some other reason? “Why?” He still didn’t look over at her.

She didn’t respond right away. Instead, she sat up on the edge of the bed. Finally, he glanced at her. Yes, she was still naked… “It’s what every other living thing in the world does before it dies. Can’t I do the same?” And then she laughed loudly. He watched the color rise to her cheeks.

Armin started buttoning his shirt while he waited for her to stop. “I don’t want to bring a child into the world only to abandon it. That’s what my parents did to me. I don’t want to do that.”

“My parents pretty much did the same thing.” Annie shrugged and stood.

Armin couldn’t help but look down her body. She was so beautiful, it was a shame she covered herself with clothes. He was thankful he was allowed to see her like this, especially since he hadn’t been able to see her this well last night. She had a pleasant, though shy, look on her face. Her arms hung loosely at her sides. Her breasts and hips were full and rounded despite her thin, muscular middle. And then he realized: she was standing still so he could take his time looking at her. The realization both startled him and turned him on.

He pulled his gaze down to his buttons. “What would happen once we were dead? Could you find peace knowing that someday your child would go live in an orphanage?” Even as he said it though, he realized his child would no doubt be raised at Historia’s orphanage… unless Mikasa raised it? What if Mikasa already had Eren’s children to raise by then though? And on her own, at that?

Armin swallowed his tears and tried to stop himself from finishing that trail of thinking. Of course his child would be fine. Historia would make sure of it. …What was he thinking?! They were so young still! This was completely irrational!

Annie said softly, “But that child would have two parents who loved it completely. Until our last breaths. It is all the difference.” As she stepped toward him, she wrapped her arms around him and pressed herself against him. “Anyway,” she whispered, pecking a kiss to his lips, “I might already be pregnant.”

He rested his forehead against hers. “Mm. That’s true.” He knew that already. She kissed him again, this time a little longer. He let her kiss him, but he didn’t kiss her back. He was too busy thinking.

There were a lot of things that Armin had imagined as a child. He imagined the ocean. Thousands of times. He imagined maybe seeing a volcano. He imagined snow-capped mountains and mountains so tall that the tops were hidden in the clouds. He thought maybe he’d ride in a hot-air balloon. Or perhaps create some other flying sort of craft…

He absolutely never imagined that a beautiful, strong, intelligent girl would ask him to get her pregnant. That one had literally never played out in his head. And yet, it was happening.

He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her back into bed.

* * *

 

Levi pushed Hange’s hair from her face and kissed her forehead. “Wake up, Commander.”

“Mm, five more minutes, Captain…”

“It’s a long trip to the ocean… And you’re officiating a wedding today, but I suppose five minutes never hurt—”

Hange’s eyes popped open. “I’m up. I’m up.”

* * *

 

Connie woke up with Sasha’s hair in his face and a lock of it was stuck against his lip. As he opened his eyes, he gently swatted her hair away but then, he couldn’t help but lean back into it and take a deep breath. Every part of his naked front was touching every part of her naked back.

This was the best morning of his life.

God, he really didn’t want to mess this up…

* * *

 

Mikasa had woken up alone on the morning of her wedding.

She snapped her reins and tried to urge her horse faster but it was no use. Eren had too much of a lead. The Survey Corps had just passed outside Wall Maria and were heading south over flat, green earth. How was it possible that Eren had a lead when he’d been last to mount his horse and last out of the Wall gate?

“Mikasa, wait up!” With a side-glance, she realized Armin had caught up with her but he was keeping her pace instead of heading toward Eren. If he had the faster horse, he should try to stop Eren for her…

“I need to talk to him—” she started. Eren had left her room before she had awoken this morning. Then, during Commander Hange’s debriefing after breakfast, he had slid into the back of the room after it had started and he had been the first to leave. Afterward, he seemingly disappeared until it was time to leave Headquarters, though she did try very hard to find him until she ran out of time.

She took a deep breath as she began to slow her horse. “I’m afraid he is… regretting his decision to marry me...”

“No,” Armin said, shaking his head fervently. “Let him go.”

Mikasa felt her heart bleed a little bit. If Eren had actually changed his mind, her heart was prepared to break. But Armin was right. If he wanted to go, she would not stop him. She had learned that much from these past years of fighting alongside him in the Survey Corps.

She slowed her horse to a stop and Armin stopped with her. They both watched as Eren became a speck on the horizon. The thunder of hooves now came from behind them. Jean and Sasha were leading the group. Following them, their new squads tried their best to keep up, and Floch and Connie rode a little easier, bringing up the rear of the group.

“Don’t worry, we’ll keep him safe!” Connie called to Mikasa. He was barely audible over the hooves as they sped past.

To Mikasa’s surprise, she realized Armin was smiling at her. She watched as he laughed quietly to himself and then tilted his chin up to the bright midday sun. He closed his eyes as he said gently, “He thinks it’s bad luck to see you before your wedding, Mikasa.”

“Oh.” Mikasa felt her cheeks flush with heat. She looked down at her horse as she tried to hide her face. “But, he doesn’t believe in luck. He laughed at me when I said it was bad luck for him to see my dress.”

“Have you ever known him to regret a decision he’s made?” Armin persisted. “Anyway, he told me you already signed the marriage license and he called you his wife three times this morning when I talked to him after breakfast. He told me that Jean found your scarf and kept it until last night.”

“Mm.” Mikasa glanced over at Armin. He sounded like he was telling the truth. Why had Eren lied about finding it under the bed? Well, she supposed, it didn’t matter. If Eren lied, it must have been for a good reason.

Armin still had his chin tilted up to the sun, but somehow, by the way his shoulders curved, Mikasa knew Armin was down… Or maybe it wasn’t sadness? Something was different…

Hange coaxed her ambling horse toward Mikasa’s. “Oh! A wedding! A new station on the shore of the ocean! Who could have ever guessed such a future?! Even a year ago!”

Annie then slowly caught up, staring ahead as though she were reading words in the air. She was closely followed by Levi and his squad. And then Mikasa saw it. There was an invisible metal cord between Armin and Annie, like the cord she’d felt between Erwin and Levi before… Armin wasn’t sad. He had fallen in love. 

Mikasa met Levi’s eyes and she was pleasantly surprised. He had a flicker of a smile playing at the corner of his mouth. She gave him the same small smile before looking away.

* * *

 

That afternoon, after stopping and having a quick ration for lunch, the second group made it to the ocean a couple of hours after Eren and the first group had. Sasha and a few of her squad were already busy making dinner. Eren was off with Connie somewhere, apparently in the woods nearby (with flares if needed, of course). Floch and Jean were sitting on the hot sand, struggling with a few boughs from a tree. The rest of his squad and the couple of new recruits of Mikasa’s squad were a little ways away piling up kindling for a fire.

Levi’s recruits ambled away as they took care of the horses. Levi, Armin and Mikasa followed Hange toward Jean. “What is that?” Hange asked, squatting down next to him.

“I’m making an arch. I made an arbor for my mom’s garden before, so I thought it might be nice…”

“Oh! So they can say their vows underneath it! That is so sweet!” Hange said and she suddenly pinched Jean’s cheek.

“Mm.” Jean was clearly blushing. “Mi-mikasa… Eren set up a tent for you. It’s over there.” He pointed to the line of tents a ways behind where Sasha was prepping dinner. “He said he promised he didn’t peek at your um, dress. And Armin…” Jean gently passed his branches to Floch, who continued working. Then, Jean pulled something out of his pocket. “Eren wants you to hang onto these.” Armin took the two gold wedding bands from Jean’s sweaty fist.

“Mm, alright,” Armin said quietly. He wondered if anyone could tell that he was suddenly fighting back tears. He stared down at the rings as an excuse to hide his face. This morning with Annie flickered through his mind again. Today would be the day where he would break a little further away from his two most beloved friends… And today he could decide to live a life totally separated from them. For these short years he and Eren had left, he would necessarily live his life a little further from Eren’s.

“Well, I told Eren to be back here just before sunset,” Hange said, glancing toward the west. “We don’t have a ton of time. So Mikasa, you’d better get dressed.”

“Do, uh…” Annie started. Everyone turned to look at her as she spoke. “Um, you want help getting ready?”

Mikasa stared at Annie. For a split second, Armin feared that the two girls would finally hash out that fight that had almost happened during training years ago…

But then, Mikasa glanced to Hange, then back to Sasha. Finally, she met Armin’s eyes for a moment. To his surprise, Mikasa almost smiled before she turned her focus back to Annie. “There are a lot of buttons.” It was unclear if she said it as a warning or as a reason for Annie to help.

Armin slipped the wedding bands into his breast pocket of his shirt as he looked to Mikasa and then back to Annie. Mikasa wanted him to come with her too. It had been plain on her face when she’d met his eyes. But she didn’t say so. Was it because he was male? 

“I’m coming too, then, if Annie is,” Armin stated as plainly as he could. He could tell, though he knew no one else could, that Mikasa was happy about this, and maybe even a little relieved.

Without another word, Mikasa led Annie and Armin toward the tent. As the three started walking, Annie slid her palm against Armin’s. Automatically, he folded his hand against hers and their fingers intertwined. And then, a familiar weight slid into his other hand—Mikasa held his hand the same way she had when they were kids—palm to palm, almost as though they were protecting each other as they led each other.

* * *

 

Eren and Connie had eaten a ration when they’d reached the woods. Then, while Eren bathed in a stream and shaved his face with his straight razor, Connie had watered their horses and then went on a hunt for wild flowers. By the time Eren was dressed in a clean Survey Corps uniform, Connie had managed to find a whole bouquet of bluish sort of flowers. They were the same flowers that Eren always associated with Mikasa somehow. Maybe it was because of all the times she’d gone out to get firewood with him?

“I think we should start heading back soon,” Connie said as he looked up to the tree canopy. “Twilight always comes on faster the deeper you are in the woods, though. It’s hard to tell what time it is…”

Eren held the bouquet at his side as he leaned against a nearby tree. “I know. I just don’t want to be too early.”

“Mm, but you don’t want to be late either,” Connie said, raising a curving eyebrow at Eren.

“True.” Eren took a deep, steadying breath.

“Any last words as a bachelor?”

Eren watched as Connie glanced down at the bouquet. It was trembling right along with Eren’s hand. He was trying to hide the fact that his hands were shaking by pretending to be bored but clearly it wasn’t working. “I wish my mom could see this. Me marrying Mikasa. She’d be thrilled.” Eren had meant it as a joke but Connie’s face fell before he looked away.

“Me too, Eren. Any mother would be proud of you. Especially today. You’re doing the right thing. Mikasa’s awesome.”

“Thanks, Connie.”

 

The sun was resting on the skin of the ocean in the west. Tall weeds and thistle surrounded them in a huge, open field. Once they could see the tents off in the distance, Eren slowed. He belatedly realized that he was leaving Connie behind, and so he halted his horse until he caught up. Together, they coaxed their horses into a canter instead of a gallop. Soon, the thistle fell away to tall grass and then a bit further, the land was covered in pale sand.

He and Connie both slid down from their saddles. Two of the recruits from Sasha’s squad were waiting to take the horses, and they led them away. Eren handed the bouquet to Sasha, who was nearby.

“Can you give those to Mikasa for me?” he asked. “And let her know we’re here.”

“Oh, yeah! She already knows!” Sasha pulled Eren into a side-hug. “They’re gorgeous. She’ll love them.”

“I’m the one that picked them,” Connie said in a quiet voice.

“Oh, good job, Connie,” Sasha said, smirking at him. Eren tried to pretend he wasn’t a little surprised when she pecked a kiss to Connie’s cheek. Then, she hurried off to Mikasa’s tent.

* * *

 

After handing the bouquet to Mikasa, Sasha left just as Levi entered the tent. “Right,” Armin said, attempting to steel himself. The appearance of Levi meant it was time for him to go. “Mikasa, you look beautiful.” He pulled her into a hug and she hugged him back tightly. “You and Eren… I love you both. I wish you only happiness.” Armin forced himself to swallow the lump in his throat. “Thank you for loving Eren so well.”

Mikasa pulled Armin back into a tight hug and whispered into his ear, “Thank you for loving Eren so well, too, Armin. I love you too.” Then, she let him go.

Annie fixed Mikasa’s veil one more time, ran her finger down the line of buttons on Mikasa’s back to check if they were all fastened, and then straightened the lay of the skirt. There wasn’t a train to the dress but rather, was lacy with a gauzy sort of skirt which just touched the sand underfoot.

“You deserve to be happy,” Annie said, meeting Mikasa’s eyes only for a moment before looking away. Annie took a step backward toward the flap of the tent. “God bless you and Eren.”

“Thank you,” Mikasa said quietly. Then Armin and Annie left.

All the while, Levi had waited as far away as physically possible in such a small space. Once Armin and Annie left though, Levi stepped forward. “Did you feel that too?” he asked, barely moving his lips.

“It’s good to know we can trust her, at least.”

“Mm.”

“Thank you, Levi. For everything.” She gestured to the dress she was wearing.

“It was an honor,” Levi said as he offered her his arm.

She slid her hand around Levi’s elbow so her fingers rested on his forearm.

Her mind so rarely drifted—why did she think of these things now? She remembered the day when Levi had beaten up Eren in the courtroom… She remembered the day he’d cut Eren out of the Female Titan’s mouth… She remembered the day he’d let Erwin die and let Armin live…

And gently, she gave his arm a light squeeze. “I am so thankful to have family here with me today,” she said.

* * *

 

Eren made his way over the sand toward a strange curving structure that, though it was pretty, it looked like it belonged in a garden. Also, someone had thought to lay out rocks and shells in two parallel lines, creating an aisle in front of the archway.

“Jean’s wedding gift to you,” Armin explained as he came nearer to him and the archway. “I’ve read before that it’s traditional to use one if you get married outdoors.”

Eren glanced around to where Jean stood with Floch and a few others a short ways away. With a glance, Eren also saw Annie, and Hange, and then he saw Sasha come back to Connie’s side, who was talking with a few of the new recruits.

So many people were missing from this day… But really, had he ever even imagined his own wedding day? Even a week ago, he never could have believed he’d get married…

“Thanks, Jean,” Eren called over the crashing of the waves.

Jean turned and held up a hand. “Welcome,” he called back. And then Eren realized who Jean and Floch were talking to.

“Historia!” Eren called without thinking. With startled, wide blue eyes, she turned and waved to him as she hurried toward him. She was wearing a very expensive-looking green dress with a thick coating of sand around the hem.

“Eren, congratulations!” she said as she paced toward him. Once she reached him, she gracefully held her hand out to him. Bending to his knee, he placed a quick peck to her knuckle.

And instantly, though he prayed it wouldn’t happen, he was met with a rush of memories: _He saw his father as a titan—he was fighting Historia’s sister, Frieda, in the huge, bright, underground cave. And she knew she was going to die. But it didn’t matter. It didn’t matter at all. Because her life wouldn’t end with her last breath. Not really. We were all connected from the start. We are all still connected through the spark inside of every beating heart. The threads make pathways between us_ —

Eren dropped Historia’s hand as though it were burning him. And suddenly, the voice in his head, and the visions of his titan-sized father were gone. Eren’s only thought was he didn’t want to think about any of it. Not today.  

Historia gazed up at him in a sort of question. Eren wondered what his face must look like. He turned away slightly as he forced himself to take another deep, steadying breath. Thankfully, Historia didn’t say anything to this. Instead, she said, “Would it be alright if I sang while Mikasa walked toward you? My sister taught me some of the traditional songs when I was little, and well, Mikasa said it would be alright. But if you would rather the ocean waves be the only—”

“That would be very kind, your majesty,” Eren said, and bowed his head to her without meeting her eyes.

“Alright then,” Historia said sweetly, and she smiled when Eren finally did meet her eyes again. “Don’t be nervous. You’ve tackled bigger fears than this,” she said. He tried to smile back. She nodded and then walked back to where she had been standing with Jean. Eren was surprised he hadn’t noticed her escorts until now.

Hange was standing in the archway with her back to the ocean. A pang of anxiety rolled in Eren’s stomach at the sight of her there. It was time.

Suddenly, the whole day had only been an instant which had happened long ago, and now every second of every minute was a blessed eternity.

Eren reached out and grabbed Armin’s elbow. As they took the few steps to reach Hange’s side, they both turned their backs to the ocean like she had.

“You have the rings, right?” Eren whispered.

“Mm, yes. Right here,” Armin answered. He reached into his breast pocket and pulled them out. The gold glinted in the blood red sunset.

“Thank you, Armin,” Eren said softly. And he let go of Armin’s elbow because he saw Levi and Mikasa. They ducked out of her tent at the top of the hill of the beach. She held onto Levi’s arm as they walked over the sand together toward the archway. Overtop the crashing waves behind Eren’s back, Historia sang a wedding song in a sweet, high voice.

He couldn’t help but laugh a little as tears fell from his eyes. Mikasa was wearing her scarf for the first time since the other time they came to the ocean... 

Mikasa was beautiful. Her cheeks blazed crimson in the warm light of evening. She stared ahead to Eren with a wide, careful gaze. As he gazed back at her, it was as though she were the only other person for miles. Though he didn’t realize it, he could no longer really hear to Historia’s voice.

As Levi pulled Mikasa’s veil back from her face and gently brushed a kiss to her cheek, Eren realized he was holding his breath. Then, Levi lay Mikasa’s hand in Eren’s hand as Historia finished singing.

It was Hange’s turn now, and she was saying all the normal things that were supposed to be said at weddings. Then Armin was shakily pressing a ring into Eren’s hand, and Mikasa was repeating Hange’s words and sliding a ring onto Eren’s finger… Her hands were so cold despite her red scarf and the summer evening, so he found himself holding her hands a little tighter than he normally did…

And then Eren repeated the words Hange said too, and he slid a ring onto Mikasa’s delicate fourth finger…

Eren would not be granted the lifetime with Mikasa which he longed for in his heart. But, just to have this moment with her, and to have had all the moments before now and to have even an hour, or a minute, or a second after this with her… It was pure, unadulterated, joy.

Hange said, “You may now kiss the bride.”

Mikasa pulled Eren toward herself and he pressed a gentle kiss to her lips. Sasha and Connie both made jubilant whooping noises, Hange laughed, and the Survey Corps, along with the queen and her escorts, all applauded.  

Mikasa pulled away from Eren’s kiss sooner than he wanted her to. But then Armin was hugging them both, and then Hange hugged them too. And eventually everyone else, even Jean, hugged Eren and Mikasa in turn.

* * *

 

Long after the sun had fully set, and they had eaten a tasty dinner made by Sasha, and drank wine that Levi had brought, they danced by firelight for hours to Floch’s fiddle and Historia’s singing.

And eventually, once Hange and Levi had fallen asleep in their tent, and most of the recruits had also gone to sleep in their small tents, Eren took Mikasa’s hand and helped her to stand from her log at the fireside. As Eren led her to the tent she’d dressed in earlier, she took one last glance around the end of their wedding reception. Jean was sipping the dregs of a bottle of wine. His head rested on the same large driftwood log which Historia was perched on. Floch was sitting in the sand as he told Historia a ghost story and she was listening attentively. Sasha’s head rested in Connie’s lap and he ran his hands through her hair absentmindedly as he stared into the fire. Armin’s arm was snug around Annie’s waist as they both leaned slightly against the other.

“Good night,” Armin said as he caught Mikasa’s eye. “Annie, Floch and I will take first watch tonight. Hange and Levi said they’d take second.”

“Oh, then Eren and I—”

“Sasha, Connie and I are taking third,” Jean said, holding up his bottle and glancing at Mikasa for only a moment. “You and Eren have the night off.”

Mikasa glanced at Eren, who only smiled back at her. Then she looked back to everyone, suddenly a little embarrassed. Everyone knew what they were about to do…

“Goodnight, everyone,” Eren said as he continued leading Mikasa away. There was a disconnected chorus of “goodnights.” And soon, Eren had led Mikasa into their tent.

Mikasa watched the flap close. She had her back to Eren but she was too nervous to turn and face him. This wouldn’t be the first time they slept together, so why was she so nervous? Slowly, mechanically, her hands reached up to her neck and began to unwrap her scarf.

But then Eren was behind her, and as he wrapped his arms around her, his hands found hers and gently stopped her. “Don’t take it off,” he whispered into her ear. “I have wanted you with this scarf on since the first time we were together.”

“Oh,” Mikasa answered softly. And then, as she turned to face him, she took it the rest of the way off her neck.

“Mikasa, please—?” But then she wrapped the scarf around his neck and used it to pull him into a kiss. “Mmm…” he said into her lips. He was doing something with the ends of the scarf… She felt him knot the ends at the small of her back. “Now you’re attached to me,” he said, smiling in the dark at her.

She laughed quietly. “I’ve always been attached to you.” She kissed him again as she felt his hands gently journey down her sides. “Ever since you put this on me for the first time.”

“And I promise I’ll wrap this around you whenever you want,” he said, and pressed a kiss to her cheek.

“Mm, every night.” Mikasa threaded her hands into his hair and closed her eyes as he trailed kisses down her neck.

“I will,” he whispered against her skin, “for the rest of my life.”

 


End file.
